I was recently reading in the news about the guy in New Zealand who has stirred up some controversy by eating his dog. Apparently the dog had become a pain in the ass, so the guy decided to kill it and eat it.

 

Here’s the link:

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8218534.stm

 

Now I personally wonder why the uproar about it. As a vegetarian I will not kill any animal for my dinner, but the people who are whining worse than the poms are the same people who gladly let someone else kill sheep, cow, pig, chicken, duck and any number of other animals for them so they can eat.

 

So what’s the big deal about this guy who eats his dog? I asked one of my colleagues here in Taiwan what he thought. He was disgusted. I said what’s the difference between eating a dog and a cow?

 

“Because a dog barks,” was his answer. I knew what he meant – it was the human bond between dog and “owner”. The dog – essentially – got lucky by winning the affection of the humans. Much like the whale. After all, why are we humans making such a big deal about whales (much to the annoyance of the Japanese, Norwegians and Icelandics) when we go and eat all the fish, club all the seals and essentially mess around with other wonders of nature?

 

“How can you say that mucker?” I asked, wanting to start a debate to help while away the tedium that another day in the office brings.

 

“A dog is cute though,” came the reply. Good. Fodder for my argument.

 

“But a dog is tasty as well.”

 

“That’s gross.” Seemed I had found a sore point. Good. Not the time for me to stop then.

 

“You barbecue a squid but you whine about a dog,” I said, referring to the lunch he had had the previous day.

 

“A squid is not cute.”

 

“It is to other squid,” I retorted.

 

“But you don’t have a squid as a pet,” he said. Finally, he’s getting the hang of this argument thing. But…

 

“Why not? You could.”

 

I had seen a stingray for sale the previous day in the pet store, so why not a squid?

 

My argument did not seem to work – Willy (for it is he) was still revolted by the thought of a dog ending up a dog’s dinner on the barbie. My assistant though saw my point – having grown up in Argentina, she knows a thing or two about meat, and is not the kind of person to differentiate. For those living in poverty too, dog meat is food.

 

A couple of years ago, Nigeria’s capital was experiencing a bit of a problem with stray dogs until one enterprising guy came up with a nice recipe for dog stew, set up a roadside stall, and sold bowl after bowl of it. It got so popular that now the stray dog problem is only a problem because there are none left, and so your local poochie pet is being served up instead. Guard dogs are suddenly going missing, people are reporting more pets stolen. I suggest you go and have a bowl of dog stew my friend – help you get over your loss.

 

We humans need to work out where we stand. If we’re going to kill then we need to stop differentiating, taking half-assed stances about what is right and what is wrong. Just because the whale, dog, cat and dolphins have good PR does not give us the right to decide it is acceptable to kill this when it is not ok to kill another.

 

Otherwise we will soon have a SAVE THE SQUID foundation.

I may as well face it - I am seriously in love. And tomorrow, being the most romantic day in the Chinese calendar, means I get to take Claire out for dinner on our first real special event together in our relatively short time in this relationship. We've been spending time together every day for the last 3 weeks, sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes whole days.

Despite the age gap, the culture difference, the potential issues with language and everything else that life COULD throw at us, there is an overwhelming bonding between us. Her work as a nurse keeps her out at nights, and mine keeps me away every hour of light, and half those of dark, that nature brings us. It's not that we're fighting hard against the forces that be to be together - it all seems so incredibly natural. We don't have a huge amount of things in common, but those that we do are strong pillars for a relationship.

We have communication, trust and good friendship - three vital ingredients for a relationship - and we both have a passion for the things we do.

So I would like to say today, Claire...

我 爱 你
Happy Valentines Day

Back in the day when Yeovil Town was better known as a non-league giant killer, after several successful cup runs, long before the Grecians met their darkest days, your humble chronicler headed to St James’ Park for a Boxing Day lunchtime kick off which saw victory against York (if my fading memory serves me correctly).

 

After the final whistle, I jumped in to my car and headed north-east a few kilometres to the famous sloping pitch of Yeovil to watch my first ever non-league game between the Glovers and Weymouth. Compared with Exeter, the atmosphere was quiet, almost eerie, and there was not much in the way of singing as I joined the home crowd. The hosts quickly went in to a 2-0 lead, and half time came with Weymouth looking completely out of sorts, and as though they would be sent home with a stuffing that would have more suited the turkey from the previous day’s lunch. As I grabbed myself a beer at the catering stand, smiling Yeovil fans around me were already celebrating 3 points, and I have to say, I could not see things turning around.

 

But a break often brings change, and whatever the Weymouth manager said at half time brought a remarkable turnaround in fortunes. As soon as the second half kicked off, you could sense that there was only one team with the bit between their teeth. Weymouth scored one, then a second, and just a few minutes from the end, a third to complete a remarkable victory. It was not the way they played – but the way Yeovil did, a classic snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

 

As I left the ground, all those fans who had been smiling and laughing at half time were muttering and grumpy, trudging out to their cars to make a swift getaway.

 

In the years since then, Exeter’s demise has been as well documented – if not more so – as the rise of Yeovil Town. It shows that things can change incredibly quickly in football, and that nothing can be taken for granted. The recent issues with Chester City show that in these troubled economic times, a football club with a history of over a hundred years can simply vanish if it is not looked after properly.

 

Back to back promotions for the Grecians have restored pride within Exeter and much of Devon for a football club which has – for all the right AND wrong reasons – attracted a lot of publicity over the years, but remembering those years when the clouds were darkest should not be forgotten. With good solid management, Exeter City FC has been able to transform in to the model Trust-owned football club, gaining admiration not just from clubs in the UK but worldwide. It is a good time to be a City fan, but in truth, it always has been. Especially when City snatches victory from the jaws of defeat!

A few weeks ago, a young lady by the name of Claire was at a famous temple in Taiwan, asking the spirits and ancestors when she would find a nice man, someone who would love her the way she wanted, and who she could settle down with and maybe have a family with. The temple is famous because it is said that if you go there and pray for a partner, there is a good chance you will find him/her.

Around the same time, your humble chronicler was having another Saturday night at home, preferring the company of two growing kittens to a night of drinking in a bar. As has been well documented, I am not in to the pub scene, and certainly not to find a woman. A friend of mine saw me online and asked me why I was not going out - I told her and she was surprised that someone like me could not find someone. I retorted finding someone is easy, finding someone special is the tough bit.

So she offered to help - and I gladly accepted. She said she would post something on to a forum and see if it generated any response. Five minutes later she told me she had posted something - I did not ask what, I merely trusted her - and ten minutes after that there was a reply from someone., saying that Rob is a person she would like to know more about.

MSN contact details were forwarded, and that - for the moment - was the end of it. Despite sending a message to this young lady, there was no reply. Ah well, I thought.

The following Wednesday I was at the clinic, getting myself checked up because of an on-going hernia issue, and as  I entered the clinic, I saw a Buddhist monk, standing and holding a pot, collecting money. I was running a little late but made a mental note that if the monk was still there when I left, then I would put some coins in to the pot.

After getting confirmation that I did indeed have a hernia which needed operating, I left the doctor, and sure enough there was the monk on the way out, so I pulled out a fistful of coins from my suit (no idea how many coins or what value) and placed them gently in to the pot.

Until this point, my sales in July had been terrible, and in fact, I would say that pretty much the whole of the month until then had been depressing. But things were about to change.

As I got back to the office, an order had arrived from one of my customers which pulled me over target once more (4 full months in the company, 4 monthly targets hit). At the same time, a message was on my MSN from aforementioned young lady.

Her name was Claire. And this contact changed my life.

We talked a little on MSN, and I could see immediately that this was no ordinary girl. She has personality, character, and a huge heart. Although her English was not fantastic, we understood each other fairly well, and let's face it - I am the one who needs to learn better Chinese anyway. We talked for a while and then some more when I got home that evening. She works night shifts at a hospital and slept during the day, so did not get online too often.

We agreed to talk some more the following day, and I think it is safe to say we enjoyed talking with each other immediately. The following evening - the Friday - I was due out with some of the guys from the office, and so I invited her along. She said she had to work, but if she woke up on time, she would come. By this point we had also echanged phone numbers, and on the Friday morning she called me to ask me to wake her up by calling her at 8, so that she could come to Alley Cats for pizza.

At 8 I called her up, but there was no answer. 8.20, same. And 8.35. I headed to Alley Cats with the guys from the office. Just after 9, Claire called me up and said she was on the way and sorry for sleeping. Problem was, by the time she was due to arrive at the pizza place, she would have maybe only 10 minutes before she had to leave, and could I please take her to her work?

This - as anyone will tell you - is my kind of woman. She arrived at the MRT station and called me, so I walked over to collect her, and we felt immediately at ease with each other - no strange moments, just talking like we had been going to eat pizza regularly for years. I introduced her to my colleagues, she ate a slice of pizza, then we left. Of course I got her to work on time.

We arranged to go out the next day after her shft finished and get some lunch before she went home to sleep and I went to work. It didn't work out that way. She didn't sleep. I didn't make it to the office. We went out, had Indian food (changing the plan due to a tehnical issue with the Suzuki!) took a walk around Tienmu, talking all the time, had a coffee, and I got her home in the evening. She invited me in, but I refused. I wanted to, but I also wanted to resist any possible temptation I may have had. After all, I was very attracted to her.

The next day we went out once more, and this time for lunch in Yang Ming Shan, followed by a walk around the sulphurous area of Siao You Keng, and then she got a phone call from her friends, inviting her for dinner. She said I was also invited and so off we went.

After a nice dinner and talk at her friend's house with their baby it was dark and late, and so I took Claire home. Having spent the whole weekend together, and having had the chance to get to know each other better, we decided at this point that we wanted to be together, and so the first kiss came. It was beautiful, it was sensual, it was wonderful.

And in the days that have followed, Claire and I have spent many hours together, holding hands, walking and talking, enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other. I - for one - am deeply in love with her, and I don't care who knows it. I want to go with her to the temple where she prayed, to give my thanks to the spirits and ancestors for bringing us together.

Some will call it fate. Some will call it karma. Some will call it coincidence. But I believe there is a much deeper fundamental reason for us coming together in this way. I don't care what the reason is - all I care about is having met the woman I feel I can spend the rest of my life with.

Ok, so I hear all this news about the global recession, and that things may or may not be getting better, depending on which day, and which expert, it is. And ok, so I am making decent wonga from the lighting company, but let’s be honest. I miss IT. The lighting industry just does not compare. Having said that, being the only person to hit sales, despite having the highest target in the company (by which I mean double my nearest competitor), doesn’t suck at all.

 

I called up the traffic violation people once more, as I got 4 white tickets in one day. Red ones I am used to – I go to the 7-eleven and pay them. These white ones though had no payment references, so I made a phone call. Apparently I owe NT$42000 in open traffic violations, including TWO NT$8000 for speeding. And that’s not just speeding. That’s 50+ km/h over the limit. In Europe your license is taken away. In Taiwan, they take your number plate. Mine is gone for three months, in a couple of weeks at least, when I take it in. Damn the police with their speeding cameras! Half of these though I will be contesting – I get photographed in the wrong lane, which is fair enough BUT the reason I am there in the first place is that I get pushed over by some idiot in a car, bus, truck (worst of all!) or scooter who just pulls out without looking, or comes through a red light making me swerve. Best – and this is merely my humble opinion – to not disturb rush hour traffic by crashing, and instead move in to the left hand lane to avoid the danger.

 

Two doctors (both male) handled my wiener last week. It’s the most action I have had in months. But I think my gay friend Clovis is jealous. He says of course I am not his type, but I met his boyfriend. He is fat and old. Does it remind you of someone?

In a recent friendly game, before the start of the new football season, your humble scribe brought on board a couple of new players, so we had a large squad assembled to face Rogues FC, the team that beat us - incredibly - in the league last season. We had had all the play, and about 26 chances, scoring only 1. They had 3 chances, scoring 2. The third hit the bar.

I was given my usual role in between the sticks, but from the off it was obvious there would be no repetition of the previous result. At half time, the Red Lions were 1-0 up and looking good. We had had chances, but so had Rogues with my good mucker Andy "Shambles" Campbell joining them for the duration of this match. He had brought out a class save in me, and proved to be Rogues best player by a mile.

The second half showed the Lions spirit by scoring 4 goals in 25 minutes, and although Shambles had another well placed shot saved, there was no breakthrough for our opponents. As that second shot went off for a Corner, I shouted "Oi Shambles - will you stop that?"

20 minutes from the end, I was substituted in order to give the enw Gambian guy a chance in goal, but as soon as I got off, I was back on again as our defender got injured. So the team had to make a bit of a change, putting me initially in midfield before realising that was not playing to my strengths. One of the first touches was a lay-off which led to a goal before we got a free kick 10 metres outside the area. Knowing the goalkeeper was not a real keeper, I was the only one who followed up the shot, and when he fumbled it I shot, it hit the keeper, hit my knee, and bundled in to the net. 7-0. The game ended 9-0. It was a shambolic performance by our opponents, who were still whining about the goal I scored being "off-side". I was just happy to keep up my quota of a goal a game this year (4 performances on field, 4 goals scored. Not bad for an old fat bastard like me.

The football has had to take a back seat though, as I am suffering from a hernia, which I need to get sorted out. As soon as the sales figures reach an acceptable level for the month I will take a couple of days off to get the surgery done. It has not - so far - stopped me playing in the league, with a 1-1 draw against the Mighty Shane and a 0-0 draw against Carnegies our results to date. But today I decided not to play. I didn't want to play last match but with the team being short of players, I played anyway.

Even the biking has had to be reduced - despite me riding in to work one weekend. I had 3 hours in the office, adhering to company expectations to spend a few hours there on Saturdays, not actually doing much but listening to the Aussie Rules on the internet, and generally fart-arsing around, trying to comprehend company culture. When I left the office though, it was pissing down, so I left anyway. Having needed less than an hour to get there in the sunshine of the morning, I figured I was going to get wet anyway - either sweat or rain, and so off I headed. By the time I got to Wugu, 2/3 of the way home, the sky had begun to clear and I was looking like a drowned puppy.

The working culture in the company is interesting to say the least, with the boss going in to long speeches about how everyone has to work harder in order to make the growth he wants. Working hard, though, and working smart are not equal. And if you can work both hard AND smart then you should be on a winner. There are some in the office who stay until midnight. I suggest those are not the smart working people. It all has to be done in perspective, and I leave the office at 9:30 latest in the evening. I need my sleep. And there is only so much a person can do in one day. And I need to cuddle the kittens, getting home before they completely wreck the place.

And damn they try hard!

In my new found affluent position I have managed to get the debts down a lot, and almost completely wiped out, so it is time to go back in to debt, the idea to buy either a Suzuki 600cc or Kawasaki 650. The Skywave has done a great job but after 4 years, it’s time to trade up and get something that has a little more zoom zoom.

 

The problem is that Taiwanese financial institutions want someone as a guarantor, in case you do a runner. Of course the fact that you have a big bastard bike which could be used as that collateral is not the point, and also not accepted. So when I am talking with the financial people, I tell them that last time I got a Suzuki, I was given credit over 6 months That is what I want again. Last time I paid, this time I will pay.

 

However the banks are not playing this time round. Some would say who can blame them, but with everyone eager to make some money, there is one institution that is seriously taking the piss. One company said no problem – they will lend me enough to get the Suzuki. I listened as the guy reeled off the interest costs. A per annum rate of 40 (yes, forty)%.

 

“Are you having a laugh mucker?” I asked, my sarcasm going whoosh over the poor bloke’s head.

 

So to save my cash I have decided instead to save up the whole amount so I can hand over the wonga and take home the new bike. The guy who suggested this institution will not be getting my business – I have pretty much now decided that Suzuki (at least the official dealer in Taipei) will not be getting my business for stuff like that.

 

The same weekend I went to have a look at a Honda S2000 I had seen. It is time for wheels, and whether I end on 2 or 4 is still open. I sat inside it, it felt good. It felt very good. I asked the price. It felt bad…. Twice as bad as I had hoped, and definitely out of my range at US$40000. For a 5 year old car. But damn…

 

The 3 months are over and probation period has finished. El Pres asked me to take a pay cut. I knew he was going to. I also said no.

 

“But you’re so expensive,” came the stupid excuse for this pointless cost cutting measure.

 

“I am not the one costing you money. I am the one bringing in the money,” I replied.

 

I may earn about the same as 4 employees in the sales department, but I bring in more than the complete sales team combined. I asked, “the guy who brought in US$350 in sales last month, he’s the expensive one. So don’t you think you should concentrate on those who are not performing, as opposed to the ones who are?”

More meetings and negotiations are planned with El Pres, but he knnows that when it comes to talking about my salary and money, I keeep very quiet there. I'm not accepting a pay cut - he brought me here to do a job and that is the job I am doing. When it comes to me gettig less wonga - sorry... not interested!