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  • Organised Crime

    With just a few weeks left until the wedding, the final countdown well and truly ticking down now, Joanne and I are bored. Not with each other, you understand, but bored because there is nothing left to do but wait for the day we fly to Australia. Well, that is apart from her visa, because she has not yet sorted it out.

    The checklist of things we need to do is pretty much complete:

    Wedding location – booked
    Wedding celebrant – booked
    Wedding cake – ordered (and it’s not a traditional wedding cake!)
    Rings - ordered
    Restaurant for wedding celebration - booked
    Flights to Aus – booked
    Car – booked
    Hotel in Brisbane – booked
    Hotel in Gold Coast for honeymoon – booked

    Wedding invitations – ordered and collected… and to be sent out this weekend
    Restaurant for Mega-Taiwan Party – booked
    Photos – done
    Other wedding photos – booked

    Anyone who knows me will know I am never this organized so early in advance. Last minute rush? That’s usually my style. I even rescheduled the football game on the day of our Taipei wedding party so that I can get to play AND get home in time to shower, shave, dress up in the Boss whistle and flute and look totally handsome.

    So now I just have to wait another 6 weeks before it will all happen. Just WHAT to do during those long long days? I’m sure I’ll survive somehow…

  • Photo Opportunity part II

    “Oh wedding photos,” laughed my future brother-in-law, “yea – it’s tiring! It is so tough to smile and be happy all day.”

    He went on to talk about how tired he was when he and Joanne’s sister did their wedding photos, and how we would feel after 12 hours of constant posing. What he failed to understand was that I am a master when it comes to posing!

    Prophecies of doom, I thought, as the day of our big photo shoot was coming. I told Joanne I did not believe that we would be the same way. Not sure if she agreed with that sentiment though.

    So the day arrived – we had agreed to meet at the wedding photo company, Joanne arriving from the south, whilst I attacked the northern flank. In much the same way as the Germans tried attacking from two fronts in the Battle of the Bulge, alas failing miserably (so much for German reliability!), we surrounded and pretty much completely took over the photo studio.

    Already being made-up when I arrived (late! Oops…) Joanne’s mother had decided to join us as well. What we had not counted on though was the fact that the car could possibly hold 5 people, and there were 2 photographers, one make-up artist, one bride, one bride’s mother and one dashingly handsome groom. Something would have to give.

    It was decided that Joanne’s mother would head to Danshui by MRT and join us at the first port of call, a flower garden that has been used often by wedding photo companies. After being pronounced fit for action by the make-up artiste, we packed all the stuff – photo gear, spare dresses, make up boxes, etc) in to the motor, and off we went. Your humble chronicler was in charge of driving and navigation, which should surprise absolutely no-one.

    Now before I continue with this story, I would like to point something out. I have seen a few girls in the wedding store who were – how can I put this politely? – not the prettiest flowers in the garden (to follow on along the horticultural theme) yet when made up, you would not recognize them. Joanne’s make-up artiste, however, seemed to have got it all wrong. I honestly thought that the photos might well turn out badly because Joanne’s make up did not bring out the best in her. Still, I had to put my trust in these professionals.

    So our photographer got his stuff out, and we followed him around the garden, pointing out the things we wanted to be photo’d at, and the things we were 100% avoiding… such as a wooden windmill. The photographer – Lu Suh (loser! Haha) had his assistant, Niu, and talked to me in some kind of weird English to tell me what to do.

    “Hold wife”

    “Look flower”

    “Husband, take a rest” – which was obviously my favourite one.

    “Look Milk Cow” – referring to Niu. Classic… so we made cow sounds, and I made a horn sign with my fingers on my head. Such a load of bull… and still such a good laugh.

    “Stop smiling.” No mucker – that’s not going to happen! I’m having much too much fun.

    Joanne’s mother arrived a few minutes before we were leaving for the next destination – the white customs house in Danshui. Now this was a place I had never been to, although it was right next to the castle, which I had visited several times. A lot of history in the place, and a very nice garden too. Loser took some photos of us together, then told me to take a break.

    It was getting hot, so I went inside to look at the story of the customs house, enjoying myself, and thoroughly losing myself deep inside my own thoughts, so I did not hear Loser when he called for me to return.

    Some more pics, then off Joanne went for the first of her dress changes.

    After that we headed to the beach, where there were several other people getting wedding photos, thankfully not on the section of sand we had chosen, and so we took some more pics there, the brightness of the sun making it difficult for me to actually open my eyes for more than 1/4 of a second.

    The ocean, the blue sky, the mountains in the background… but I was thinking these photos would probably not turn out so nicely – because all we were doing was squinting. And smiling. But mainly squinting.

    Then we all headed to our apartment so that Joanne could change once more, and I gave Milk Cow and Loser a beer, whilst getting changed myself. I only needed to change from white to black, but I had also taken a selection of ties so that I could at least attempt to colour co-ordinate with my bride-to-be.

    Back in to the motor once more, and a long 200 metre drive to the next stop – along the river from where we live. Cyclists galore rode past us, many of them giving me the thumbs up sign whilst narrowly avoiding crashing in to the fencing or an on-coming cyclist because they were so intrigued as to how come such a beautiful Taiwanese girl would be getting married to such an old, ugly foreigner. Loser had never heard of anyone doing wedding photos in this location, so we’re claiming that we are the pioneers of Bali riverside wedding photos, and I think we should be handed a royalty payment for everyone who wants to follow suit. It’s only fair, I think.

    The light was just perfect for some good shots – the background of the river and Yang Ming national park simply wonderful. Joanne's green dress was an excellent choice for this location, and we were guided by Loser and Milk Cow to our poses, taking a break here and there.

    Rob and Joanne – of course – still making the most of it all, smiling the whole time, laughing, making silly jokes, no sign of tiredness anywhere. Making the most of this once-in-a-lifetime day.

    Up Guanyin Shan to the visitor centre, the cloud formation absolutely wonderful, but Loser asked us to pose in a weird place, which I suggested was probably because of the light in the background. Evening was slowly coming in, and the sun was gently sinking. Joanne – now in a stunning, low cut blue dress – was touched up … by the make-up artiste, not me! Her mother had been following us around in the same taxi she had kept on since returning to Danshui, and she too was having a great time.

    But she also left a little earlier than us to get to the 101 building before we arrived. Well, that was the plan. Joanne and I took some more photos, then she got changed in to her red evening dress, which took my breath away.

    Driving in to the city, darkness now beginning to replace the light, we arrived at the car park, and dumped the Mazda for a while. No sign of Joanne’s mother – apparently the taxi driver got lost. How can you NOT find the 101? It’s the biggest building in the fugging country mucker. You’re a taxi driver – even a damn foreigner knows the way better than you!

    This was the only place where we could conclude the day’s photo shoot. Some great pictures of the last remnants of blue sky as darkness surrounded us, and that first one was when I told Joanne, I reckon that’s the photo we will choose.

    All of a sudden, Joanne’s cellphone rang, so I looked at Loser, raised my eye-brows, and made a phone sign with my hand.

    “Keep that pose” Loser said as he sprang in to action. It was easy not to move…

    Click. Joanne didn’t even know the photo had been taken. Class.

    A few more pics taken in the Warner Village and we were done. Joanne’s mother finally arrived about 5 minutes before the end, snapping away with her rather nice camera, and then left us to head back home. We drove the guys back to the wedding store where I realized that I had left my personal clothes at home, so I had to keep the suit for a little while longer. Damn – I was so in the mood to change out of it.

    We took the rented Mazda back, then went to have dinner. As soon as we sat down we realized just how tired we were. Yet we were still smiling from ear to ear. Funny what love can do to 2 people.

  • Photo Opportunity

    So we had chosen the photographer for the wedding - all we needed now was to find the places where we wanted the photos taken. I had some ideas, Joanne had some ideas, and so she borrowed a car from a friend so we could go on a trek to narrow down our list. We jumped in to the R-type Suzuki, and now so much zoomed but slowly rolled.

    Up the mountain to Guanyin Shan visitor centre, where we found a newly prepared area that was perfect. Cool. That's one place sorted, we said. We also wanted to have some photos taken at the riverside close to our apartment, which we did not need to look at, as we live there. So 2 places covered, and it was not even lunchtime yet.

    P1030507

    Joanne said she had heard of a windmill, and thought that was a romantic setting, so we went in search of it. Now being a European, I know windmills, and I was sure I would have heard of one in our area, but the wife to be was adamant. Windmill. Close to the ocean. In our town. So we took the car along to the port area, but no sign of what we were looking for. Having said that, the area looked good for a beach photo - ok, let's think about that one. And off we set once more in search of the windmill, along the coastal road.

    Oh... so you mean wind generator. Are you sure that is romantic? So, that was one struck off the list. Sweet...

    But now we were getting hungry, so we jumped on the expressway, on to the freeway, and out to see our good friend, Mr Chen, in Shenkung. The usual was ordered - hot spicy tofu soup, san bei, some long shu tsai... excellent, followed by shu bing a little bit further down the old street in the town. Fully satisfied, we got back in the R-Type, and slowly made our way back to the northern part of Taipei City.

    P1030511

    Up the other mountain, Da Tun Shan, over to Ju Zi Hu, famous for flowers, and we found some nice flower gardens there, which would be perfect, apart from the fact that the end of blossom season was approaching, and would be there before we took the final photos. Hmmm... what flowers WILL be there when we want them? Ok... we'll think that one over.

    P1030516

    Afternoon tea at once of the many tea shops up there, and the sun started to go down, and there was one more place I wanted to try - close to the river at Guandu, so we drove down and tried to find the place I wanted, but we couldn't. My navigation was ok, but my memory not so. I couldn't remember where the right angle was for us to get the sun setting over Guanyin Shan. Ah well...

    We had already been to the 101 area, and seen how people were getting some wedding photos taken outside famous and chic boutique stores, like Prada and Versace, but that was not our style. We DID want to get a photo taken though at the 101. We headed in to the Grand Hyatt to pick up the coffee beans my friend had got for me, and there were some other people taking wedding photos. Hmmm... not such a bad idea either. I spoke with my friend, who just so happens to have rather a lot of influence at the Hyatt, and he said all I needed to do was call his secretary, and it was done.

    P1030528

    And thus the day was done. We had a long list of places to go to, and lots of fantastic ideas as to where we wanted our photos. So the day was done, but we were keeping the car overnight, so we took full advantage of it by heading to Carrefour for a big shop. Damn, we need a car - I like the convenience of driving in, and buying loads of stuff. Shame I don't have the cash for (a) a car and (b) lots of stuff. But everything in good time!

    P1030549

    A little dinner, and that was the day done. We had a plan and - like all good plans - we would see in time just how much of it we would change.

  • Financial Woes

    The Eurozone is in the shit. The Pound crumbled like a cookie in the hand of the incredible hulk. The Dollar is volatile. And in Taiwan, there is stupidity inside the banks. Perhaps this is not exclusive to the island, but there is a serious lack of intelligence inside the banking system.

    I have been sourcing some LED products for some former clients from my Aeon days, and one of them asked me to make a transfer to one of their Chinese Mainland supplier. As they had already transferred some cash over for an order which was subsequently cancelled, this was no problem for me. Until I reached the bank.

    I went inside, and was given the form to fill out. Cool. Then they decided to give me a number in the queue, which meant I had to wait for 3 people to be sorted out. Ok, if this is how they do it, no worries. Finally my number was called, and off I went.

    “I’d like to make an international transfer.”

    No problem, she says. So far, so good.

    I passed her the documents, and she asked if I wanted to transfer US Dollars. As this was the currency I had written down on the form, I was a little taken aback, but again, this is Taiwan, so I should not be too concerned. I replied in the affirmative, with a patient smile on my face.

    We can’t do that, she told me, as it is a TWD account.

    So I suggested that they take Taiwan Dollars out of my account, exchange them to Dollars, and transfer them that way.

    We can’t do that, she told me.

    “Ok, then what’s the solution?”

    Lots of words in very fast Chinese, even though I asked her to talk SLOWLY, but essentially it was a case of as I have no US Dollar account, I can’t transfer.

    Cool – open a US Dollar account.

    We can’t do that, she told me.

    “Why?”

    Because you don’t live here.

    “Excuse me???”

    Apparently, because I live on the opposite side of Taipei, I am not allowed to open a USD account.

    “But the branch for my TWD account is in Neihu, and they don’t mind it.”

    We can’t do that. I’m getting seriously bored with this answer.

    “I work in Hsintien,” I replied, hoping it would work, and handing her my business card, conveniently omitting the fact that within 48 hours I would no longer be working in Hsintien.

    “Oh… well ok then.”

    This process took a mere 75 minutes – as she was constantly talking on the phone with someone upstairs who was too much of an idiot to actually come down to explain in person.

    Then came all the paperwork, the additional costs, the transfer charges, the initial deposits, the transfer out, and then another long wait.

    All in all, just under three hours were spent in the bank, trying to make one transfer. But, mission accomplished, and another “we can’t do that” scenario turned in to a “yes we can” (damn I sound like Obama!) and life is good. I was also seriously considering asking her to close the account as soon as I had made my transfer, but I am pretty sure I knew the answer to that one. What I don’t know is the reason behind it.

  • Eggs

    It’s always the way. You wait for a bus for ages, and then two or three come at the same time. You look for a new job, and nothing comes for quite some time, then when you finally accept a position, there’s another one wanting you as soon as you start.

    I had interviewed with a company 3 times, and been asked to go back for a 4th interview. It went seriously pear-shaped, as I bollocksed this one up. Having received a mail from the guy who wanted to be my new boss, telling me what my responsibilities at the company would be. Essentially, he wanted me there, but I had to go and see the big boss. No worries, I thought.

    The big boss got me sitting down, comfortable, no tea though. I noticed that right away. Small talk preceded the meaty part of the discussion. Then he asked me, what will be the responsibilities when you join us? Oh, I know this one. I listed them off as they had been sent to me in the mail from my potential boss.

    “No, you’re wrong.”

    WHAT???? Are you having a proverbial laugh me old mucker?

    He went on to talk to me about the most un-humble stuff ever, his experience inside the company (ok, that was impressive) and the fact that he is MBA. I’m sorry, what? Why is this relevant? Is this supposed to make me cower with fear, the fact that you are MBA? And not just once - the focus of his point from this moment on was how his MBA made him far superior to me, and that I should bow in unworthiness to his godlike status.

    But from this point on, all I wanted to do was get out of there, so it was down to damage limitation. He tells me he wanted to offer me the job that day, but I have not impressed him. I asked what can I do to reassure him that I am indeed the right man for the job, and he told me to come back with the guy who would be my boss, and make the proposal together.

    I sent a mail to that guy when I was home, but personal reasons meant he did not get in touch, and so when I got interviewed by another company, with an offer coming immediately, that was it. Done deal. Sorted.

    And then they come back to me, 7 weeks in to the new position. The guy who would be my boss wants to talk with me, and calls me up.

    “But I have a job now”

    Yes… but we should talk. There are some things he wanted to know about that awful meeting, so we arranged to have a coffee in the Starcraps close to my present office. Cool – no worries. I was there early, he was there on time. Good.

    So he told me that his boss was no longer a problem, and he wanted me on board. The situation was explained to me, and he agreed with me that the mention of the MBA was weird. The internal conflicts, I was assured, have been resolved. Everything is smooth for me to come on board.

    The next day I received the offer letter, with the pay rise that I need to support my family. The resignation then followed, but I let the company save face by offering them the opportunity to match the deal. As the pay rise was substantial, I knew they would not counter, but face was saved, and I am out of here.

    And seriously looking forward to the new job. Out of sales, back in to pure marketing, where I started my career in IT over a decade ago! Less stress, less pressure. More money. Sunny side up. And that’s the way I like it.

  • Chili Sauce

    Sometimes in life, a certain number just tends to appear way too often, and you can call it fate or you can look at it as coincidence, but that number just keeps on popping up. For Joanne and me, that number is 17.

    17 is my Red Lions squad number
    17 is Joanne’s current house number
    She also works on the 17th floor in her office block
    17th October is when we will have our wedding party in Taiwan (although this was booked with the knowledge that 17 is our number)
    17th February was when I proposed – and again, the 17 had popped up by then.
    When we were at the Thai restaurant when we were looking at potentially getting back together, we were seated at table 17
    And on the flight back from Philippines over Chinese New Year, wouldn’t you know it? We were in seats 17A and 17B

    In recent weeks and months though, the 17 has not appeared. It just turned up before with such a frequency that made the whole thing quite fun. But not being as superstitious as once I was, and not seeing things as a sign, I take it for what it is – a coincidence that we can laugh about.

    At the weekend though, the number 17 returned to our life. Joanne and I picked up our car on Thursday night, a 2nd hand Nissan, and drove to the Fubar in Fulong, which made its debut opening. Run by Etienne and Brigitte, this is a fine place for beer and food, right on the beach, and catering to the foreigner crowd. I like it because they have Erdinger Dunkel – a fine beer if ever there was one.

    We drove down the freeway and then the coast, possibly not the fastest way from our home, but we have to explore again, as the route to drive the car and the route for the motorcycle are very different. We pulled up to the bar, found a parking space (awesome location!) and headed inside. As we entered, Joanne spotted the house number – 17. Nice one.

    And let’s make no bones about it – the Fubar offers great food, cold beer and a relaxing ambiance. African paintwork and colours on the tables, each one different, and tables outside, all go to make it a place I am sure we will be visiting regularly. Especially as they have a veggie menu – to go along with their array of meats, and the braai… the whole fugging suckling pig. The man can cook.

  • Dedicated Followers

    For some strange reason, things just have to be cutened in Taiwan. Beauty can not just be accepted as it is – it needs to be made in to something that it isn’t. Take – for example – the case of the beautiful red Ferrari (of course, it should not be any other colour) that is parked not too far from my current offices. Awesome car. And in the eyes of most non-Taiwanese connoisseurs of fine automobiles, not something that we mere mortals can improve on.

    But enter the Taiwan market, and – as has previously been mentioned – former rules no longer apply. So the wide boy who owns this particular Ferrari has added a massive BLACK rear spoiler which lives up to its name… as it spoils the hell out of the car.

    People spend fortunes on making their expensive products look cheap here. Take the guy who went and bought a 1000cc Kawasaki (green, like all good Kawa’s should be!), spending close on to $800,000 (TWD) on it. Fantastic bike… until the idiot goes and pimps his ride by installing flashing blue LED lights, making the thing look no more like a Kawasaki, as a Kymco.

    This is the country which regards Japan as a role model – when it comes to fashion, Taiwan takes the stuff that Japan does badly, and makes it even worse. Pointed shoes used to be in fashion here. Thankfully a couple of years ago these monstrosities of footwear were no longer the rage, and sensibility returned to the island for a very small amount of time.

    But this summer, just in time for the release of Sex and the City II (god help us all!), fashion faux-pas’s have reached an all time level of disaster. In are black, rubbery-textured leggings. In are neon green, pink or orange plastic shiny boots. In are fake eye-lashes in all kinds of lengths and weird patterns. In are stockings that have holes in one side only.

    And in are thick, black rimmed glasses that look like they have just escaped from a 1960’s US sitcom. Nothing new there, some might claim. These glasses have long been popular with the Taiwanese masses who alas were too busy running away from the Communists in the 60’s to have appreciated Velma’s glasses in Scooby Doo. But now, oh yes, they come without lenses. WHAT THE FARK???

    Apparently the people who wear them think they are cool and look sexy. It is merely my humble opinion that these are people who do not want to be chatted up by foreigners on the MRT, so they wear them in order to look as ugly as possible.

    If I was single, I would say it had worked with me.

    Please Japan, if you have any sense of decency left inside the country, please tell the Taiwanese you were only kidding about all this, and send us something sensible instead! For the sake of humanity, and indeed most people’s sanity, don’t refuse!

  • Floating Cloud - Chapter 3

    Xi Ghong did not need to wake me in the morning – I was already up and showered by the time he and Mei-Lee had got up. I was busy preparing breakfast, a chore usually handled by Mei-Lee, but I had already gone to the market for eggs to make dan bing, an egg pancake roll, and was cooking when Xi Ghong walked in to the kitchen.

     

    “Today is the start of a new life for you Fu Yun. Today, you will enter a different world, and what you saw yesterday will not be seen with the same eyes today.”

     

    At that time, I wished I knew what he was talking about, but that became apparent soon enough.

     

    Mei-Lee had packed my small case the night before and both she and Xi Ghong took me the short way to Cao Ping’s apartment. When she answered the door, without anyone even knocking, I could see the excitement in Cao Ping’s face. It was really happening.

     

    Xi Ghong walked in, as if he owned the place, and went straight to Cao Ping’s mother. When her father came in to the room, I was amazed that he smiled at me and welcomed me. I looked over at Cao Ping, a puzzled look apparent on my face. Cao Ping smiled at me.

     

    “Luo Tai Tai, Luo Xian Sheng,” I greeted Cao Ping’s parents, giving them a respectful nod.

     

    They both smiled at me, which unnerved me completely, and handed me a small wrapped gift. Hastily, I unwrapped the gift – I had become engrossed in excitement, and almost forgot where I was, and my manners and my normally small amount of patience also disappeared. I was aware of Cao Ping smiling broadly as the layers of paper revealed two small vials.

     

    “These are special herbs, found only on the mainland,” Xi Ghong told me. “They bestow special fortune on those who are treated with them. You have achieved much, Fu Yun.”

     

    Cao Ping could not stop smiling – the fact that we were both in her parent’s apartment did not escape either of us, nor did its significance. I knew that I may not ever be entirely accepted by her parents, but it seemed like the ice was slowly melting, even if just a little. This, more than anything else, seemed like the biggest step forwards I could have taken in my short life.

     

    “Luo Xian Sheng, Luo Tai Tai, xie xie,” I thanked them, bowing gratefully and respectfully to Cao Ping’s parents.

     

    We had to take two taxis to Changi Airport – with Singapore’s strict regulations, six people were not allowed into one, so we flagged down two blue Comfort Cars Toyota Crowns, and headed for the airport, Xi Ghong, Mei-Lee and myself in one, Cao Ping and her parents in the other. Cao Ping’s father had the largest suitcase I had ever seen, all completely full.

     

    “Luo Xian Sheng will be working in Hong Kong for the next three weeks. He has much to do.”

     

    “What does he do?” I asked Xi Ghong.

     

    “He works for a bank.”

     

    “What kind of work?”

     

    “I do not know what he does there.”

     

    “Does he have money in the suitcase?” I asked, still in shock over the amount of luggage Cao Ping’s father was taking. Xi Ghong just smiled back at me, and shook his head to say no.

     

    Mei-Lee was visibly nervous about letting me go – it was obvious to me that she cared for me like a son, although she was careful not to show it too openly. I smiled at her as the Comfort cab arrived at the airport terminal.

     

    “Do not worry Mei-Lee,” I said. “I will not let you down.”

     

    Before we said our farewells, Mei-Lee gave me a box of tea and some dried fruit to give to her brother, then she turned away. Xi Ghong just smiled at me as we both knew there were no more words to say, turned around and went to Mei-Lee.

     

    Cao Ping, her father and I made our way to the departure lounge. I had never been in a plane before and when I saw from close up just how big they were, I was held in awe. In fact, I was incredibly nervous about the whole trip – being away with Cao Ping with her father overlooking our every move was nerve-wracking in itself, as I knew that my behaviour was being closely monitored.

     

    How I wanted to spend time alone with Cao Ping, although I knew that for the next three weeks, that would be totally impossible. We would be helping out in the Vietnamese camps, something that Xi Ghong had organised with Mei-Lee’s brother, and that would be our time together. After our daily work had ended, she would be ushered back to her father, alone.

     

    On the flight, Cao Ping’s father let us sit together, whilst he read through some documents from his briefcase. Although he read through his work, it was obvious that he was listening in to our conversation. Cao Ping and I talked excitedly about what was in store, and commented on what we had seen on the television about these camps. Although the war in Vietnam had ended some years previously, there were still so many people prepared to risk their lives by just setting sail and sitting for weeks or even months in a boat - people who would prefer that kind of life rather than the every day pain that they had become accustomed to under the Communist regime. We found it so difficult to believe there were people who would simply give up the life they knew, their houses and their country but then again, we also knew little of the circumstances of their lives and the atrocities back in Vietnam.

     

    Close to home, there was also the problem in Cambodia, and the reign of terror from Pol Pot. We talked about why people could not live together in peace like in Singapore – it seemed strange that in our region there were so many conflicts, yet we lived our lives in relative prosperity and peace. Neither of us touched the tricky subject of the Yang Gway Tzr not being accepted fully at school. Those were words we had spoken before, and we knew the consequences of talking about that subject so close to prying ears.

     

    Our first day at the refugee camps was shocking, a day that changed the way we looked at life forever. Thousands of people in terrible conditions, dirty clothes, a lack of food, crying babies – it seemed to us as though we had stepped into another world. Hong Kong, when we had arrived in the evening, had seemed a place almost as idyllic as Singapore, much of the same culture, but a lot more bustling. Memories of this disappeared the moment we walked into the camp. We talked with the camp warden, who was obviously physically and mentally drained from his task of feeding almost two thousand hungry Vietnamese, and keeping the various gangs from killing each other. Not only were there gangs, but there were also fights among friends due to the lack of food. Whereas the government of Hong Kong had been doing as well as they could, their process was hampered by red tape, lack of funds and, we found out to our surprise, corruption.

     

    As well as running basic errands for the officials in charge of the refugee camp, Cao Ping and I were given the task of working with the children – as they spoke neither Chinese nor English, both Cao Ping and I had to revert to sign language, which seemed to work just fine. Strange – I thought - how children can bridge the gap of not speaking the same language a lot better than adults, but back then, adults seemed to us to have little understanding of what a child really needed. We organised games for the children, playing football and basketball, and straight away we found that we brought some happiness to their lives. Even after the first day, we knew it was going to be difficult to leave – not just for us, but also for the children whose lives we were briefly to enter.

     

    At lunchtime, we helped distribute the food - mainly bowls of noodles, rice and soup - to the children. We could see that they were undernourished, but there was really nothing that either of us could do to help them further. How could we? There were so many children there, and although Cao Ping and I had our favourites, there could be no favouritism when it came to handing out the meals – everyone would have to be treated the same way.

     

    We would always remember the sights and sounds of those camps, the wailing, the blatant sadness of all the mothers, the despair of the fathers, knowing they could do nothing to help their families, the look of hunger in the eyes of the children. But this would be nothing compared to the smells – the sanitation was almost non-existent, and people would just find a place to defecate, and then just leave it. It was a perfect breeding place for disease, and coming from an island as clean as Singapore, where even spitting on the ground could get you landed in jail, this was the biggest shock of my life to that point. The smell would get worse as time went by, and every day, Cao Ping and I felt gagged by the stench. We wondered how people could live in situations like this – was it really worse than this back in Vietnam?

     

    During the afternoon, when I knew that Cao Ping and I would soon have to part company, her going back with her father, who had resumed his cold attitude towards me slightly, I looked at her, and I could see the sadness in her eyes, the frustration of knowing that the help we were giving was nothing compared to what these people needed.

     

    “Don’t be sad, Cao Ping,” I said, “look at the children and see the happiness in their eyes when we play with them, when we give them food. We are making a difference in their lives.”

     

    She touched my hand – there were no more words to be said.

     

    In the evening, when I was with Mei-Lee’s brother, Lien Lo, I would read some more of the book that Xi Ghong had given me, and I would ask questions. Lien Lo was much more open in his response to my inquisitiveness, and would never tire of my endless questioning. In fact, he seemed to relish it. He was a few years older than Mei-Lee, and his small apartment in Hong Kong resembled more a disorganised library than an apartment – there were books all over the place – and he would always back up any of my questions with quotes from books that he would find every time without searching.

     

    With the amount of books he had, and the apparent chaos, it surprised me every time that he would know exactly where each book was, when he needed it. He was the opposite of Mei-Lee in many aspects, yet they were cut from the same cloth as far as looks were concerned.

     

    One evening, I was quiet, subdued by the long, tiring day, wondering what I could do to really help, knowing that at the age of ten I was not truly going to make a world-shattering difference. Lien Lo, for the first time, made a comment – until that point, it had been solely me to start the talking.

     

    “You know your destiny will be made over there in the mainland Fu Yun,” he said, pointing over towards the border that separated the tiny British colony from the might of the People's Republic of China.

     

    I felt that the whole family from both sides knew my future way in advance, and that every step I was taking had been carefully planned in the skies above. It was a scary feeling, knowing that I had to make the right decisions to fulfil my destiny. But I was intrigued by what Lien Lo had said.

     

    “How do you know my future? How does Xi Ghong know?” I asked.

     

    Lien Lo smiled, a smile so similar to Mei-Lee, I almost thought I was back in Singapore, and almost started to look around for Xi Ghong to pour him his Scotch.

     

    “I see it in your eyes, Fu Yun, and in your hands.”

     

    He would say no more.

     

    Hong Kong was a strange place for me – there were a lot more westerners, people with skin and eyes like mine, yet I felt so apart from them. Cao Ping and I had one evening in the city, accompanied, of course, by our constant entourage, Cao Ping’s father, but Lien Lo also joined us. There was an apparent lack of mixing of the cultures here as well, with the westerners sticking to their own kind, the Chinese doing likewise. It was more tolerance than anything else.

     

    When walking together, talking together as we did, in Mandarin, people would stare at Cao Ping and myself, and I could see in their eyes the obvious displeasure. No one could understand that I was just as much a Chinese as they were, not even Cao Ping’s father who knew my own past. Yet it was also obvious that he had no idea about my future even if Lien Lo did.

     

    We went into a Chinese restaurant in the City for dinner. Lien Lo accompanied us – he seemed to get on well with Cao Ping’s father – and invited us all to eat at his favourite restaurant. Everyone but me got a menu in the restaurant, and I asked for one.

     

    “No English menu”, the waiter said in English.

     

    In Mandarin, I told him I did not need an English menu, and asked him to bring me one in Chinese. The look of astonishment in the waiter’s eyes was plainly apparent, and Lien Lo smiled a huge grin that reminded me that he was so different to any other Chinese that I had met. After a few seconds, I was handed a menu by the waiter.

     

    I could see that Lien Lo was completely amused by this situation, although it seemed to me that nothing could make Cao Ping’s father smile.

     

    “You order for all of us Fu Yun,” he said.

     

    Cao Ping’s father said nothing, although I could see that he disapproved of this idea thoroughly. I nodded, but still asked:

     

    “What would you like, Luo Xian Sheng?”

     

    Cao Ping’s father was in two minds – would he let me order, and let Lien Lo have his fun, or would he lose face, but still get his favourite dish? I could see where his eyes were on the menu, down by the duck specialities, but I could not see which dish he was eyeing up. One thing I knew, especially by the uncommonly portly stomach that Cao Ping’s father had, was that he liked his food. Maybe this was another reason why Lien Lo suggested I order.

     

    “You decide, Fu Yun” Lien Lo cut in, much to Cao Ping’s father’s obvious annoyance.

     

    Cao Ping looked at me, slightly amused by this, but trying hard not to make it show. The waiter re-appeared, and I hoped I had got it right. I ordered the duck in Szechuan sauce, some beef with broccoli in oyster sauce and some dumplings.

     

    “Good choice Fu Yun – the duck is this restaurant’s speciality.” Lien Lo said. Cao Ping’s father seemed a little reluctant to make a comment, but I could tell that even if I had not made the exact choice he would have had, I had certainly got close enough.

     

    When dinner was brought to us, something hit my conscience and I began to feel guilty. There we were, eating this fine food, and we could afford so much of it, and the people we were there to help had nothing. They had to settle for maybe a bowl of rice and some third-rate scraps of meat each day. Cao Ping noticed, as did Lien Lo. Cao Ping’s father tucked in, regardless, ignorant of the change in mood at the table. I picked at the food, and tasted nothing.

     

    “Fu Yun – it’s alright. You have made a difference in their lives. You are already a hero in some of those children’s eyes. You do not need to feel unhappy.”

     

    Lien Lo was trying to cheer me up and I knew inside me that he was right, but it was a futile attempt. Cao Ping also ate very little, but still managed to eat more than me, which made a change, given the difference in our sizes. By the time we had reached the age of ten years, the difference in height and build between Cao Ping and me had made us look as though she could have been my younger sister. Of course, the differences in skin colour, eyes and just about everything else made it obvious that we were not siblings.

     

    I found it difficult to eat that evening and even in the morning, when the aroma of dan bing wafted around the apartment, a smell that was under normal circumstances guaranteed to get me out of bed faster than a snake in my bed would, I was far from excited about it. Although by then the pangs of hunger had indeed started a little, and I sat at the table with Lien Lo, and ate quietly, absorbed in my own thoughts and plans to change the world.

     

    Lien Lo observed me, curiously, and gave me his verdict – there would always be pain in this world, there would always be suffering. It is just a part of this world. I could not understand it – why would people not help those who were worse off? Surely if there was to be peace on this world, we would all have to look at what was happening around us and help those who need it. Capitalism, it seemed to me, was a far from perfect solution.

     

    “But communism is dangerous – look at China, look at Russia and most importantly for you, look at Vietnam. All Communist states.” Lien Lo interjected. With my limited information and especially the pictures of the Vietnamese camp so vivid in my mind, I had to agree; although in principle the idea of communism was fine - distribution of wealth and so on - it was open to corruption, people lining their own pockets for personal gain.

     

    Of course, I had been known to be selfish also, and not necessarily always thinking of other people, but the desire and need to be accepted by those around me made me want to share, and Cao Ping was the one person I could share everything with. And now the Vietnamese in Hong Kong opened our eyes even further.

     

    Lien Lo had no idea of what it was like for the Vietnamese in the camps, and there was no way I could explain it to him properly, not so that he would have any real comprehension of the conditions inside. He would stroke his chin, and tug at his lucky hairs growing out of his wart, and nod at what I was saying, as if he could understand, but for anyone who had not been there, who had not seen for themselves what conditions these people had to endure, it was difficult to picture.

     

    Helping the children, playing with them, learning, day by day, a few words of Vietnamese so we could understand them just a little more brought Cao Ping so much. It lifted her to new heights, and in our very few minutes together, we spoke about what we were getting by giving so much. Perhaps then we were living in our own Utopian world, but our youth, our positivism towards the general outlook of our joint future, as well as that of the world we lived in, was maybe typical of innocent children, an innocence that is lost on adults.

     

    The looks of appreciation as we handed everyone their food, meagre as it may have been, was enough for us both to realise that we had indeed made a difference, and slowly my appetite also returned. But the day came when we had to say our goodbyes. Our time in Hong Kong had come and gone so quickly, and the initial feeling of shock that we had encountered had faded to one of concession that things were not going to be fine for everyone, that their future was not as bright as the one we both had in Singapore. It made Cao Ping and I appreciate just how good our lives were back home.

     

    By the end of our stay, I had used all of the herbs that Xi Ghong had given me to help cure some of the Vietnamese children. Other helpers at the camp had been astonished, but I told them I had a good teacher in Xi Ghong. Both Cao Ping and I had also read a lot about the healing powers of some of these plants, and Chinese medicine interested us a great deal, even if I did not understand it fully as well as Cao Ping. It gave me a good feeling to know that we had been able to save a child a jab with a potentially dirty needle at the first aid centre.

     

    There were some tearful goodbyes as we were leaving the camp, and Cao Ping was deeply affected as were many of the children she had befriended in our time together in Hong Kong. But the three weeks were over, and Cao Ping’s father was itching to get back to Singapore. Cao Ping had talked to him every night about what she had done, and with his limited patience for such talk, he quickly had become bored with it. In Singapore, he could forget about it, and get back to his normal routine. Cao Ping’s would never be the same – she now knew what she wanted to do with her life.

     

    Saying goodbye to the children was one of the hardest things we had ever done. Their families were so grateful to us both, and even though we could not understand the words, their eyes, their body language said everything and we knew we had accomplished what we had come to do. And that, in a way, made it harder for us to leave; there was still so much to be done, so much help we could offer.

     

    Lien Lo took us to the airport, and shook hands with Cao Ping’s father. I heard later from Xi Ghong that Lien Lo was most impressed with me, and that he had made some comments about Cao Ping’s father, although Xi Ghong was reluctant to tell me what he had said exactly, but I thought I caught a glimpse of amusement in his eye as he mentioned this.

     

    Flying back to the Singapore Peninsular on the Singapore Airlines Boeing, Cao Ping and I sat together whilst her father sat reading. As we left the skyscrapers of Hong Kong, the grand façade of colonial Britain, to become just small dots on the horizon as we took off, Cao Ping kept her eyes firmly on the place we were leaving behind, but she reached over, and placed her hand in mine. This certainly did not go unnoticed by her father, and a scowl crossed his face, but he said nothing. I caressed her hand gently with mine, this act a lot more subtle than hers, making sure that I did not incur any more wrath than had already been built up.

     

    I noticed a tear fall from Cao Ping’s eye, and wiped it from her face. At that moment, I noticed just how fragile she was, just how affected she was by this journey and the experiences we had just had. And with her father sitting right next to me, I knew that it would be difficult to persuade him to allow another trip the next time we had the opportunity. But I also knew that we would be back in Hong Kong somehow. I whispered this in Cao Ping’s ear, provoking a slight smile, but still her eyes would not turn away from the view outside the window, Hong Kong fading into the haze of yet another Asian sunset.

     

    Singapore seemed like a completely different place when we got back. Everything had stayed the same – Cao Ping and I had changed, moved on, grown up. What we had experienced in Hong Kong had altered the way we would look at the world and what was going on inside it. But our hopes of ever really changing anything took an instant dashing – we realised very quickly that there was so little that we as individuals could do to make a lasting difference.

     

  • Old things with new eyes... new things with old eyes.

    Sometimes things look the same no matter how you look at them. And then there are times when something happens to make you see something in a totally different way. Having flown in to Hong Kong many times, I thought I had seen it, but this last flight took me in from the east, which was the first time. As the plane landed, I saw the island and then – at around 100 metres – the cloud cover. But then came the weird thing – the clouds were very thin, which meant I got to see the tops of the mountains as well, which made Hong Kong look very eerie.

    As the plane approached the runway, I also noticed for the very first time that there is a 9 hole golf course mere metres from the airport perimeter. Very strange. Although, of course, not as strange as the full 18 hole golf course that runs through Bangkok’s old airport.

    I got out of the plane, and watched as the light played with the clouds, heading off to get a coffee before my connecting flight to London. My first trip back to the homeland in over two years awaited, with the news that Sterling had plummeted. Not so good, as money had just been sent over from the UK to pay for the final part of the apartment. Still, as I sipped on my Lavazza latte, I realised there was nothing I coulf do about it, and anyway I was already missing Joanne.

    Strange though – during my years of weekly inter-galactic travel, where I was out of Taiwan almost as much as I was in it, I did not miss the island quite so much. That is not to say that I didn’t miss home, or my cat – I did – just not as much as I do now. It seems that Rob has finally settled down, perhaps in many ways. Having the new apartment with the woman I love so much, alongside a new job and so much else, I don’t want to be away from Taiwan, from home.

    And the new job has taken me in to a position where I will be away a little more often than I have become accustomed to over the last couple of years. When I look back and think that the tossers at Aeon only sent me to Hong Kong on business one time – sharing a room with 2 other guys – I realise how easy it has been to get used to staying at home, and just how happy and relaxed I am on this island that I call home.

    Even spending some time with my parents did not hold the usual excitement – no disrespect mum and pops – as all I want to do really is stay at home with those who are most dear to me. With just a few months now to the wedding, I really don’t want to be apart from Joanne – the five or six months we have been back together have simply rushed by, and all I want is to be able to be there with her always.

    The connecting flight took off later than planned, as the original aircraft had some problems, so we managed to get a replacement, and then when the meals were served, Cathay handed my veggie meal to someone else. So I got the standard replacement veggie meal, which was not so bad. With media on demand, I watched loads of TV and movies all the way to London, where no one seemed to know the football scores.

    I had booked a car through Enterprise, but they had a problem with my license, a problem which Avis did not have, and so I picked up my Peugeot 207 and headed, alongside one of my new colleagues (my boss having missed the flight from Taipei!) upp north to Birmingham. As we drove up the M40, the scenes of the English countryside whizzed by, the sun going down slowly over the horizon. Beautiful rolling hills, green and yellow fields, cows and sheep, church spires and house rooftops, all came in to view. All of them a reminder of the England I grew up in, a country I left almost 20 years ago, a beautiful (if cold) place, which just does not feel like home to me.

    I also realised that I had never been before to Birmingham – the birthplace of the Balti. After 5 days there, I understand why I had never been there. Apart from the Balti there is nothing really to mention. Crap football teams, no business, no industry, and no places of true interest except for a canal which is only in use for tourists. Perhaps not a dead city, per se, but really, I see no reason to visit the place unless you absolutely have to.

    Apart from a couple of extremely good curries – and let’s give the city credit where it’s due, the south asian population there has some excellent chefs – the place is a crap hole. The NEC – the nation’s exhibition centre – is also neatly settled out of the city, but our hotel was not. It was really typical of the city – looked crap on the outside, and was crap on the inside. But it was cheap, and the company likes to live on a budget. Hey, I get a trip to the UK on Cathay, so I can take a cheap hotel for a few days.

    I had one of the best curries of my life in one restaurant one evening, which was also excellent value. Especially so, as I managed to not have to pay for it. One of the things I love most about Taiwanese culture is that when you are with the boss for dinner, tradition states that the most senior person pays. That works for me. Thanks boss! But other than that, I will be very happy if I don’t have to return to Birmingham. Alas next year’s attendance at the expo has already been booked, and I have no plans to leave the company, so it looks like that plan has already been scuppered. Bugger.

    As the expo came to a close, and we had finished packing everything in to the van, it was time to drive north-east to visit the olds. Mapquest said I would need 2 hours and 18 minutes to drive the 150+ miles, which would have been very wrong had I kept to the speed limits. Thankfully speed limits and I have an understanding, where I get to ignore them, on the sole condition that they also don’t hassle me. I made it in 2 hours and 14 minutes, getting in at just before 11, a nice curry waiting for me from the olds’ local tandoori. Nom nom.

    A couple of beers and a good chat later, I retired to bed with a full and satisfied stomach. The next morning we headed to the supermarket so I could get my goodies – cheese, vegemite, peri peri sauce, cookies and of course, lots of beans. Pops and I headed to get a coffee, then a final beer and sandwich, whilst the mother got her hair done. She had made the appointment some time before I had said I would be there, and being the bustling city that it is, it would have been nigh on impossible to reschedule until September 2014.

    The time came for me to say toodles to the olds, and so I drove down towards Heathrow, getting stuck in traffic where there was a minor worry about time (I had built in 45 minutes to my travel time for the jam) but still getting to the airport on time. I handed over the car, took the shuttle to the terminal, and checked in.

    30 kilos. Oops. Cathay’s Akiko san was trying to be very nice to me, and wanted to only charge me for 5 kilos of the excess. This was then negotiated to 2 kilos, when I suggested that as I was 3 kilos underweight on the way in, that should also be waived.

    “But Mr Fowler, I have to charge you something.”

    “Akiko san,” I countered, laying on the charm, “the baked beans were on special offer – buy one, get one free for a 4 pack. How could I resist?”

    “Beans?” she asked. “Too sweet for me.”

    “But what about 7 year old plum wine?” I offered. “That is sweet too – and I bet you couldn’t resist that! Especially if there was a special offer!”

    “Very true…”

    Net result: no excess baggage payment. Motto: A little cultural knowledge goes a long way.

    The flight home was long, and boring, and after a quick coffee in HK, I felt revitalized and ready for that last 90 minute hope across the sea to Taiwan, where my woman and kittens were waiting for me.

    The days of no business trips are over. Rob’s back baby!

  • A Decent Proposal

    So having got back together with Joanne, there were a few things that needed to be done. I had been officially introduced to the parents when I invited them to dinner at a vegetarian restaurant close to her home, but being the traditional sort of chap that I am, I wanted to ask her father’s permission before popping the question.

    So over Chinese New Year, I bought the traditional gift of fruit, and the not so traditional gift of Melkterts – direct from Frankies, who was kind enough to make a batch just for me. It was raining a little as I rode the Suzuki to the opposite side of Taipei so I kept a change of clothes inside the helmet compartment. I was seriously nervous as I got to the gas station close to Joanne’s home, where I quickly changed. Looking good though, I rode the last few hundred metres and knocked on the door.

    I handed over the gifts, and we immediately ate dinner, her mother making pretty much everything vegetarian. The talk was ok, where I got in to trouble with Chinese, Joanne helped me out, but my head was only on what was to come, and how I was going to handle it, and what would be my reaction if her father said no.

    I was not allowed to help out in the kitchen afterwards – shown instead to the living area, where I was admiring the 2 bikes inside. Her father, an avid biker, rides for 2 hours, and then spends 3 hours cleaning the bikes, so they were sparkling. A little talk about the bikes, giving me a little time to work the spiel, and get the right opportunity to get the topic of conversation to the one I wanted. And then I just bit the bullet.

    “Do you mind if I ask you something?” I said, but getting the Chinese all wrong. Not the best start.

    Joanne asked me if I wanted her help. I said I had to do this on my own. She was smiling, almost giggling. Great… fill me with confidence!

    I mentioned that in an ideal world, Joanne would not be dating a westerner, but that I love her. And I could see that she loves me, and that we are so good together. Gauging that he agreed with me – and he interrupted me a couple of times to give his opinion on this as well – I asked him… may I marry your daughter?

    “I knew this was coming,” he said. Oh dear… could this be a no? But he was smiling in a genuinely warm way… “I just did not think it would be today. Welcome to the family.”

    I was relieved. Joanne, standing valiantly behind her father, was relieved, smiling broadly.

    I can’t remember what happened after that… I was already way too happy.

    P1030368

    A couple of days later, we were on the way to the Philippines – Boracay Island – for a couple of days of R&R. Her sister, the sister’s husband and their baby had already left Taiwan – missing the Chinese New Year party (naughty!) – and were sunning it up in Boracay too, so we were going to join up with them, although not at the same hotel.

    I was riding the Skywave to the airport when I got to a traffic light and the bike stalled. It was not starting again, despite my swearing, threats of sending it to the scrap yard, and general total dissatisfaction. With a 1AM flight, arriving at 3, and then a 7 AM connection to our destination, this was not the best time to be looking for a taxi – especially adding to the fact that it was Chinese New Year. Thankfully though there was one to be found, so I dumped the bike, got in to the taxi.

    “Airport”

    P1030383

    Joanne was already in the queue for check-in as I arrived, smiling broadly. Our previous trip together had been the journey to Seoul 3 years previously, after which the relationship was over. I was not scared – just happy to get it out of the way!

    We flew in, took the connecting flight from Manila, bussed it to the port, took a boat over to Boracay, and took the motorcycle taxi to the hotel. After being given the wrong directions to the hotel by the locals (yea, cheers mucker!) we found it and checked in.

    P1030352

    My first job: clog the toilet. Thankfully it was not the one in our room, but the public one. One way to introduce yourself to the hotel staff…

    “You may want to close this toilet,” I said to the receptionist as I came out, “as it’s clogged. I think the person in front of me must have rammed toilet paper down there.”

    Trying hard to get out of it.

    P1030312

    We got the room, and slept for an hour or so, the overnight flight having worn us out.

    Joanne called her sister, we took a walk along the beach, met up with them, had some food, drinks, talk… as the sun began to set, we walked along the beach. Holding hands, laughing, we were having a good time, watching the boats on the ocean, being asked all the time if we want an ATV, diving, boat trip…

    But there was one final surprise (at least for Joanne) – as the sun began to make its final descent, I said…

    “You know, there are some traditions which need to be upheld.”

    She agreed. I told her to wait, as I moved towards somewhere a little drier so I could put my stuff down. I left my things, and headed back to Joanne, a massive grin on my face. I went down on one knee – Joanne finally realised what it was about…

    “I have loved you for an eternity. I will always love you,” I said. “Will you marry me?”

    “OF COURSE,” came the reply. The “of course” was not because that was the answer, but it was to get me up off my knee, because I was embarrassing her. Poor girl.

    P1030323

    As we had booked the wedding party reception location already, the question was pretty much a formality, but a man has to at least make an effort when officially getting married to the woman he loves.

    That evening, and the rest of the time in Boracay, we both had unparalleled happiness in our hearts. I know, I am one hell of a lucky man.