To New York City then for a return to the show I was at some years ago when the Slovenians thought they could get their product in to the US market (see posts passim). Back in the Digital Signage market, this time in high performance displays, I was sent over to help out with booth building and duty, as well as to talk all things marketing with them.

With the US making it difficult though to get a visa, Cathay Pacific would not allow me on to the plane until I had one. And of course, the US system was down, so that meant I missed my initial flight. The big plan was for me to get to NYC on the Sunday night, and have a meeting at 10 the next morning. After 7 hours of trying to get the damn online system working, it finally gave me approval and I was re-routed via Vancouver (FFS) for a 7AM arrival. You’re having a laugh.

And of course, my veggie meal was not on the plane. The stopover in Vancouver annoying, to say the least, and cold. Damn they could have heated the waiting area, but they did have some water to hand out for free as we waited well over an hour for the plane to reboard.

So I arrived in JFK cold, hungry and seriously tired. In to a cab which had some totally irritating digital signage crap in the back which you could turn off for all of 11 seconds, talking to me about the shows I would not have time to see, and which did not interest me anyway. I got to the hotel around 8, checked in and went to sleep for an hour.

Up in time for the meeting, I met the guys in the lobby of this monstrosity of a hotel across the road from Madison Square Garden. There were no Americans in there – probably because they knew it to be a heap o shite. Instead, Europeans galore were inside. Even the Asians were keeping clear of this one. Not in the least surprised.

To Starbucks for coffee, and the discussion, where we encountered the first problem. Nowhere in the city can you sit down for a meeting without having to wait an eternity, or spend a huge amount of money first. Despite ordering coffee, alongside half of Manhattan, we had to wait for a table to become free, and then our talk was interrupted incessantly by people trying to move past us. Eventually the batteries on the laptops were fading so we went to some diner to get some lunch. It may well have been Fridays. Yay. That restaurant of the finest dining and cuisine.

We ate, talked and discussed all areas that needed to be agreed on – essentially my boss wanted me to make sure that I understood their requirements for the year ahead. Having talked all the talk, it was time for the walk down to the Lenny Kravitz Centre where the expo was being held. We found most of the stuff had been delivered, and then checked some other stuff before deciding to head back to the hotel, and get the guys checked in.

Having had a big lunch, dinner was a quiet affair that evening, with just one colleague and myself heading out for pizza and beer. New Yorkers like to boast that NY pizza is among the best in the world Let me make it perfectly clear – it isn’t. It doesn’t even get close. In fact, it sucks, and apart from a couple of nice, cold Stella Artois beers and good conversation, there is nothing left to report on the evening. So we all headed to bed fairly early – and your humble scribe decided not to go on the internet given the stupid prices that were being demanded by the hotel.

Next morning was a decent time meet up for the building of the booth at the show and we got everything set up. I am amazed still at the stupidity of the American system. We had to get people to rotate a handle to get the top of the booth up. We were not allowed to do it due to union rules. And the union charged a grand total of $150 + for a minute’s work.

The screens were up, the media players were playing, and it looked good. Once it was all sorted, we went out for dinner at some posh restaurant which I was asked to pay for on expenses. The big boss was flying in, but had already eaten so we met up with him afterwards. The food was decent enough, perhaps overpriced for what it was, and of course I left a nice tip on the $180 bill. I have been an avid reader of waiter rantand made sure I did not let the team down.

We got together the next morning for breakfast with a press guy – really good personality and southern humour. The meeting was to discuss what they could do for us, and how much we would have to pay for the pleasure of them doing it all for us. In the end, both sides left the meeting happy with the outcome. We then headed to the show, met up with the boss and other colleague, and also with some partners at the show.

The day went quickly enough, with lots of visitors, and hopefully some good business. I was talking with one guy and it took me about 3 or 4 minutes until I realized I had a microphone under my nose. Damn, my brain suddenly went in to overdrive, thinking did I say anything wrong? Have I said something that will be printed but should remain out of the public domain?

I met up with one of the organizers of the show – a guy I had met the last time I was in NY. He had gone the last 3 years owing me beer, and he paid up finally. We drank a couple of cold ones together, joking around like we had not seen each other since the day before, the kind of patois that you don’t get with everyone!

As the day came to a close we decided to meet up in the bar of the hotel, which was most excellent. We headed in to the bar area, one of the guys chatting up the server, an attractive lass who lapped it all up of course, and was no doubt used to hearing the same thing from punter after punter. We ordered drinks. The girl took the piss out me ordering a mojito. I told her, if you don’t like making the drinks perhaps you should take it off the drinks menu. It was not a bad mojito, but nothing like as good as the mango mojitos I had in Miami, the last time I visited the US.

As we were talking a message came in to one colleague’s phone. He opened it, and showed me the message. It was the interview on the main industry magazine. Front page. Leading Story! Oh crap. I decided not to read it – but instead asked how it was. The smile on the guy’s face told me I had done a decent job, and our company got the level of media attention we were looking for. Perfect.

The next day, the show was slow. In truth the whole thing could have finished after one day, but after the show ended, we packed up and loaded out, then went out for Indian dinner. Now that was a good meal! Loved it.

We walked back via Time Square. Sorry, why do people rave about it? Crappy, boring place. Then I headed to the Swarovski shop, bought my woman a nice gift from the US of A, and headed back to the hotel – time to sleep to make sure I woke up on time to get to the airport.

I took public transport to the airport. Took me 2 and a half hours to get there, but still made it on time for the flight. The security there was nowhere near as tight as I think it should have been. Perhaps a little complacency setting in to the Americans again… not sure. But perhaps.

After a sandwich and a drink in the waiting room it was time to board, and time to come back home. Despite being away for less than a week, I missed Taiwan. And when you have to leave the country you love for a place that you despise, and realize that in the 3 years you were away, it did not improve, then you know – it’s a place you have no desire to return to.

Certainly not for the pizza!

With the arrival of the olds, and my friends from Germany who I had not seen for going on 10+ years, the international guests were all accounted for. My Korean friend Hunkyu was unable to make it, Manfred from Germany also sent his apologies, and God knows what happened to Werner and Fred from Austria – but I kind of figured they would not be there.

Etienne – my best man – had been to the tailor to get a suit prepared, and my own suit was out of the dry-cleaner, the same purple tie from the wedding in Brisbane was ready for the ceremony. I had downloaded some music for the wedding, and burnt it on to a CD so that our guests could have some nice background music as they feasted away in the Amazing Hall.

In the morning the olds had given us some space, taking a walk along the river, as Joanne helped me to translate my speech in to Chinese. I wrote it in an English/Chinese combination that only I would understand. I asked Joanne to say the words in Chinese, and I wrote it down the way it sounded to me. I hoped that our guests would understand what I was trying to say. With a shy wife, the whole speech was my responsibility. Nervous? No way – this was going to be fun!

The olds came back, the Germans arrived, and together we all headed downstairs, hailing 2 taxis to take us in to the location of our banquet. Joanne was in with my olds and Christian’s daughter, the rest of his family in with me. For some reason, our taxi took a much longer route and ended up getting to the location 15 minutes later. Weird. Stupid taxi driver, not taking the right way. Even ended up at the wrong location until I told him there are several Amazing Halls in Taipei.

Joanne headed downstairs to get changed and made up, but her make-up girl was late. I stayed upstairs, and realized that I had forgotten the CD. Bugger. Pops volunteered to go get it, and Christian also went with him. Thankfully there was plenty of time for it all.

Some guests started to arrive – Etienne and Brigitte one of the first, and both looking rather dapper it must be said. The wine had been delivered, so I got the guys to open a bottle for me, and so I greeted the guests with a glass in hand. Darkness started to fall, and pops returned with the CD. Cool. Not cool. The AV guy told me that there were no contents on the CD – I must have burnt an ISO file. Damn. Plan B – Pink Floyd. Thankfully I had also taken a few CD’s with me to lend to Et for an event he was hosting the following weekend.

As the guests were handing over their red envelopes, the most suitable song “Money” was being played. With several of Joanne’s friends counting the cash as it came in, there was perhaps no song more suited to the event.

The Red Lions started to pour in, and finally it was time for everyone to get seated, and for the party to begin. Etienne and Jessica, Joanne’s bridesmaid, entered first. Initially I got the feeling that he was not so comfortable with that, but the photos prove otherwise. Then it was my turn, and boy did I relish the spotlight.

I entered, lapping up the applause, enjoying every moment, and finally got to walk down the aisle where I waited for my wife and her father to come. The curtain opened, Joanne looking absolutely stunning, her father in his suit, looking a little like a fish out of water, and less comfortable with this whole thing with each step taken.

In Chinese culture, it is customary to thank the father when he hands over the bride to the groom, but Joanne was so nervous, she sent him packing. Oops. We managed to get him to turn around and come back, I gave him a hug, Joanne laughing the whole time.

We walked up to the stage, arm in arm, laughing all the way and our hostess introduced us in Chinese, and Etienne made his extremely short speech, thanking Jessica and toasting her. Matt, a good friend who runs KGB Burgers, the best fugging burgers in Taiwan, translated his speech, somehow talking about 10 times as long as Etienne did, and also getting a lot of laughs and applause from the Taiwanese in the audience. Is he trying to upstage me?

Then it was my turn – bi-lingual speech of thanks, paragraph by paragraph in English and Mandarin. I was enjoying it – thanking Joanne’s olds for welcoming me to the family, thanking my olds for coming all the way from England, thanking Joanne for putting up with a fat old opinionated git like me.

As I finished, I also was greeted with applause, Joanne looking at me with a huge smile, obviously pleased that I did not embarrass her too much, and also for saving her from actually having to make a speech herself. I too toasted our guests, and then we headed to the table where we toasted Joanne’s and my family. I managed to eat some of the pink and white sugary balls, but seriously the rest of the meal was a real disappointment. I thought that the veggie food was going to be quite good, but it ended up being more than just a little poor.

The lack of decent food was not going to ruin my wedding day though, that was for sure. They had some sweet pink and white chewy balls – got no idea what they are, but they are served at every single wedding in Taiwan, so I managed to eat pretty much a plate full of those. Joanne’s uncle and aunty were being nice to us, two faced nobs. I tried to have them re-seated, at the back, but Joanne was having none of it, and made sure they were at our table. Such a shame… I tried!

Friends were mingling – non Taiwanese coming up to the table of honour, and chatting with us. This is not the done thing for Taiwanese, but Joanne did not mind, and her parents did not seem in any way put out. Essentially it was a time for smiles and laughter and happiness.

So after a little food, it was time for Joanne to go and get changed in to her purple dress. I headed out after her, and then we came back, waiting for the photo slideshow to finish. First in the show was Joanne, growing up and becoming a beautiful woman. Then there was me – the Taiwanese guests all laughing at me as a baby – the photo of the Red Lions getting the biggest cheer. Class. Then the photos of Joanne and my life together. I had still got some pics from our first time round dating, and added them to some of us in Boracay, and also other ones we had taken throughout the year, culminating in a few from our wedding in Brisbane.

It was then time to play the game that Joanne had organized – 10 seats per table, everyone getting a number. Joanne pulled a numbered ball out of a box, and the respective person at each table gets a small gift from us. Cheats though – the box only had 3 balls! Naughty naughty. As the gifts were being handed out, it was time for us to go around all the tables and toast our guests, both sets of parents in tow.

This proved an interesting experience for my olds – not a tradition you get over in the UK, that’s for sure! Starting off with the best man’s table, where the Germans were, as well as some work colleagues, we made our way all the way down the hall, the girl from the Amazing Hall trying to fill my glass with juice. Be serious woman!

Thankfully I managed to procure some wine, and made sure I filled up the glass at each table where there was still some to be had.

On the way back up, we stopped and toasted all of Joanne’s guests, including where her mother’s friends were. At this point I needed a wine refill, and there was a bottle on the table, so I said – in Taiwanese – “paise” (excuse me) as I reached for the bottle and drained it. The Taiwanese all loved it – it is one of the best things you can say to a Taiwanese person.

At another table, the daughter of one of Joanne’s friends wanted to say something to me in English, but was a little shy. So we were patient, and waited for her to get her good wishes out to us – very sweet.

Finally we made it back to the top table, and then sat down for a couple of minutes. A little while after, it was time for the next change of clothes, Joanne getting changed in to her orange dress. As I went out to get her, I saw one of my friends – Dr Chen – with an orange tie. I liked the look of it.

“Hey William,” I said, smiling like the Cheshire cat, “can I borrow your tie? You can have it back later!”

“No you can keep it,” said William.

Off with the tie – and the orange one was thrust in to my pocket for quick use. Nothing like being colour co-ordinated with your wife at your wedding banquet! Purple tie to go with the purple dress, and an orange tie to go with the orange one. I just ooze class. Except for the fact that the tie was polyester. No chance of me keeping it. Had it been silk though, then I might have been persuaded!

Joanne in the orange dress looked absolutely stunning. The purple dress – in my opinion – was not the best one she had chosen for the evening, but the final one was just gorgeous.

So we headed outside to wait for the final photo slideshow – this time of our official wedding photos – posing for yet more photos. Not that I ever tire of such things, you understand.

And then back in for the last time, to a rapturous applause, all our guests by this time obviously on the outside of a few alcoholic bevies. This is what we all like to see! We waved, we smiled, and Joanne left the stage as I took the mic. It was pure entertainment time, so I invited the Red Lions on to the stage for a collective singing of our anthem – You’re just too good to be true.

The Lions staggered and stumbled their way to the stage, Panda noticeably being first and drinking, the classy Yorkshireman that he is, straight from the bottle. That’s one way of making sure no one else takes any of it. The music started, and we were all singing different versions of the song. And most Lions don’t know the words after half the first verse is over anyway. Still, we made it through, the crowd went absolutely wild, and the Lions headed back to their collective seats.

Dessert had been served, and this was the signal that the evening was over, so Joanne and I headed to the front door where we waited to say goodbye to our guests, handing them the chocolate hearts that we had bought Down Under. Christian’s son by this time was hyper, and trying to nick all the chocolate hearts, so I had to go and have a word with his old man. Both disappeared for a short while, and later returned, the eyes of the young one red from being chastised.

People lined up to say goodbye, except for the Red Lions who were still in the mood to party, but we had to empty the place by 10, so somehow we managed to explain to everyone that the party was over, and we had one last “You’re just too good to be true” in the foyer.

And that – essentially – was it. Party time finished, it was time to get serious about this marriage I have just committed myself to for the rest of my life. And I know I am the luckiest man to have won the heart of such a wonderful woman. Being married to Joanne, and raising a family with her will bring new challenges, but so many wonderful times as well.

One year ago - ein Jahr wie eine Ewigkeit...

words from the Austrian megastar, Falco. A year ago today I was having dinner with Joanne where we decided that we were getting back together, that we wanted to be together, that we wanted to live the rest of our lives together. Of course, given my relationship status back then it was a tad complicated, but we got through it. And now, sitting in our apartment in Taiwan, with our wedding almost three months ago, and a baby son on the way, I can honestly say it has been the best year of my life.

So many wonderful things have happened this year - I remember at the company bai bai in early January, I asked the spirits to either get rid of the bad people from the company, those who were not helping it progress, or to get me out. A week later I had been kicked out by the dumbest nob there. It was the start of many fine things to happen in 2010. I got a job that I love, where each day goes quicker than the last. A job where I don't have to work 16 hours a day. A job where the boss does not just decide to cut my pay because he feels like it. I have a boss who is true to his word, in a reputable company.

I have a wife who I have loved for so long, even when we were no longer together. And amazingly, for whatever reason, somehow we managed to get back together 3 years after splitting up, and found out that you can indeed go home sometimes. A romantic proposal to her on the beach at sunset, a pregnancy that was not totally planned, but certainly not unwelcome, and a stunning wedding ceremony and honeymoon down under.

Add to that a new apartment which we moved in to, a car, and Exeter winning on the last day of the season to retain League 1 status.

I am blessed - and every day I realise and understand it. And I appreciate it.

So to everyone out there in cyberland, to my close friends, my family, and all those who know me... may your lives also be blessed. May you experience the love and happiness that I have been so lucky to have lived through.

Merry Christmas, Happy and Healthy 2011

Sprawling among all the high rise buildings that have sprung up in Shanghai over recent years are several houses that have managed to resist the modernity that the city boasts. It is a reminder of days long gone, in this city where Mao used to reside and quite possibly drew up his plans for the illegal invasion and re-annexation of Tibet. Fat peasant farming tosser.

There are several pointers to how things used to be, how Shanghai is perhaps not quite as technologically advanced as it claims to be. Take, for instance, Pudong international airport. More modern, on the face of things, than Hong Kong airport (which should not really be too surprising given the fact that HK airport is 13 years old), there was a small surprise for me when the Dragonair plane landed. A “Follow Me” car, to lead us to the gate. The gate though is clearly marked, and pretty easy, even for a blind pilot, to find. I honestly thought that the use for these – especially in perfectly clear weather like we had when I arrived – had disappeared shortly after the dinosaurs became extinct. Keeping some more people in jobs, life in post-Mao’s China truly following the party desire of full employment. After all, that is sure to bring less unhappiness to the masses of people, and keep them from protesting. A quiet life is all the Chinese Politburo desires.

It was not as cold as I thought it would be when I got here, my winter clothing not really needed. My Free Tibet shirt though made it through customs just fine – as it always does. My personal protest against the mainland not even an itch in the side of the government, despite my own feeling of a small personal triumph.

I took a taxi all the way in to the city, not sure if I was being ripped off, but the fact that the flight arrived at 11:30 PM meant that I was not in the mood for bargaining. It turned out that I got a good deal.

The taxi arrived at the hotel location, and the first thing that I was asked was if I wanted a woman – a couple of woman traffickers or pimps giving me an opportunity to look and choose any girl I wanted. The only girl I want though is waiting for me in Taiwan, and the only thing I want to take to bed tonight is myself.

Check in was fine – the guy spoke decent enough English – and I headed up in to the room which was like pretty much any other hotel room in the universe. CNN and BBC on TV (cool – especially as I did not know BBC had been unblocked) but no Taiwanese TV station. Weird.

After a good night of sleep, I got up, showered and made myself look respectable, before heading downstairs for brekkie – western food which was way too greasy for my liking, but something for the fat belly anyway. My colleagues turned up on time, and then we headed out to the Starbucks for a coffee before walking across the road to our Shanghai office base.

The smog that I experienced in HK is almost as obvious here too. It all makes the air quality in Taiwan look comparatively very good. Despite it being a cold day yesterday, visibility was down, and today with the sunshine office buildings just a kilometre away look like they could be far in the distance. This is the price, perhaps, of what we humans call urban development.

Nestled in among all the modernity is Mao’s former residence, as well as various temples, all competing for their relevance in a society that is way too wrapped in itself and the belief of making money than to care for some peasant-to-chairman who essentially laid the foundations of what this country has become today.

I wonder how he would have reacted had he been able to see what has become of the country. Having made millions of his own people starve thanks to his poor policy making and decisions, he is still revered. He is still worshiped with god-like status. The history books have been edited to give him an unquestionable and undeniable place in Mainland culture. This man who was responsible for several million people’s deaths during his 31 years in power is not remembered for the negative things. He is not remembered internally for his nation brutally crushing the uprising in Tibet. He is remembered instead for bringing this nation together.

The truth though is way different to what is taught to the children in schools. But the same can also be said about our very own Chiang Kai Shek – a man who was equally responsible for brutality inside pre-PRC China. A man who can not quite claim responsibility for the 20 million deaths that have been attributed to Mao. Responsible for a mere 18 million deaths, Cash My Check is nothing but a beginner in the world tyrant league. Not even a podium finish in the world league. Funny how the Chinese whine about the Japanese in Nanjing when Mao and Chiang made Hirota Koki and Tojo Hideki look liked absolute beginners. They complain at Japanese leaders visiting the Yasukuni shrine when they worship Mao with the same (if not more) level of passion and blindness.

At dinner last night, I asked the friend of one colleague if she had ever visited Taiwan. She said no – our government was making it difficult with stupid rules. I said, perhaps it is YOUR government. And perhaps, it is BOTH sets of governments. But this is what mainland Chinese are taught. It is ALWAYS the other party at fault. The Communist government is beyond reproach. They are above all semblance of doubt. They are the untouchables. Some things in China just don’t change over time.

As a child, I would hear about how many bicycles were ridden in China. Despite the amount of cars that are now on the streets, the bikes are still there. It’s just that half of them are electric bikes now, without pedals.

Despite the chaotic driving style, there are also a lot fewer accidents than in Taiwan. In the 5 days I was there, I only saw one accident, and was involved in the aftermath of a second, as we landed in a traffic jam on the way to Pudong airport on the return journey. The taxi driver was one of the fastest drivers I have ever seen, taking his Passat (or Santana as they are called here) in to supersonic warp speeds. Captain Kirk would have been well chuffed, had he actually been able to speak Chinese. What I didn’t understand though was why he would honk his horn at people in the middle of a traffic jam, trying to get them to manoevre out his way, when all 4 lanes of the freeway were jam packed. Still, I have long since given up trying to understand such things.

And finally the food. We went out to one vegetarian restaurant on the first full day in Shanghai – some of my Taiwanese colleagues also joining me in China for this training session – and whereas I enjoyed the food, like the breakfast it was way too greasy. And not just for my taste – apparently the Taiwanese felt the same way.

On my last day in the country, the Free Tibet shirt was worn at breakfast. It made an open and public appearance, for once, in mainland China. By the time that we got in to the taxi for the trip to the airport, the Exeter City shirt had covered it up, but it was still being worn. I checked in to the terminal, went through customs which I thought was a little weird, and decided not to walk through the red channel. What am I going to declare going out? The public declaration of the Tibetan shirt was not something I decided was worthwhile doing.

And that was it – the trip was over. Mainland China a little better than I had previously thought, but still nowhere near how I feel about Taiwan. I will never want to move here, even though I know people who are in Shanghai. People who have moved from Taiwan miss the island, and I can understand why. Shanghai seems a place devoid of passion, where making money is all that matters, where people will not look you in the eye, where no one has a smile on their face.

100 metres from me is the Dragonair plane that will take me back to Hong Kong, with the connection flight to Taipei. In just 6 hours I will be at home, and in all truth, that’s the only place I want to be.

Having enjoyed our first night of wedding bliss, we woke up the next morning late once more for breakfast. 2 brekkies missed, the hotel must have been delighted to have saved a little cash from us.

We had arranged to see Dean and Donna that lunchtime at the Indian restaurant next to the hotel, but the place was closed. Seems like this is not the place to go to if you want to be fed. So we headed instead in the 2 hire cars to Chinatown, and found a Malaysian/Singaporean/Asian place that was decent. The food took some time to arrive, but was tasty enough. We then left and walked through the market, people selling fighting fish and hello kitty umbrellas the main attractions of the area. Donna was trying to persuade Dean to part with some money to fund the hello kitty revolution. Thankfully he resisted.

We said our thanks to them both for flying in to Brisbane once more, and got in to the car to head down the coast to our hotel. Opting for the “I looked at the directions 3 weeks ago” navigation tool, rather than looking at a map and working it out from there, we headed down the freeway towards Surfers Paradise, enjoying the rain as the Hyundai made its way without any issues along the slippery surface.

We got to a place that my memory recognized, and took the exit ramp, the road then winding inland, even though I knew we were supposed to head in the other direction. The car though did not want to turn around and so we continued as the road headed in to the rolling hills, the rain still falling lightly. We were in absolutely no rush to get to the hotel, so the wrong road was not a problem for us. Eventually though, and with no road back towards the coast in sight, we did turn around and found the way in to Robina, which was just south of where we needed to be. A quick look at the map and I had sussed it, so we drove on up a little, stopping off at the local Spar market to get some water and chips and dips. After all, we knew that the Radisson resort where we were staying was hardly in the centre of all things.

We checked in, the rain pouring down, and found our hotel room after a bit of searching, the hotel not sending someone to help us, rather just giving us general directions and hoping we would make it before they had to send out a missing persons call to the local cops. The room was next to the tennis courts, although by this time it was dark and the rain falling like it was never going to stop. We ate the snacks for dinner, and finished them off with some wedding pavlova and champagne from the previous hotel, the Radisson being too cheap to offer us something for our honeymoon.

Sunday morning we failed miserably to wake up and essentially did nothing all morning. We headed to a shopping centre around lunchtime and got something to eat, which was not very good. The shopping centre close to Surfers was ok, nothing special, and mainly outside which would not normally be an issue except for the fact that it was raining, and thus did not make for the best shopping experience of all time. As the mall started closing around 4, we went for a short drive, and then headed back home, the rain coming down in droves. We wondered if this was going to be the weather for the rest of our honeymoon.

For dinner we headed to a pizza and ribs place we had seen which was not too far from the hotel, and took the food back to our room, eating and watching TV on the bed, enjoying being able to relax together. After surfing the net for a while, Joanne talking on Skype with her family, we headed to bed.

The next morning we did finally wake up in time for breakfast, and took the hotel buffet which was pretty decent. They had beans, hash browns, and egg which is all I need for full satisfaction. The wife took a load of meaty things and we sat down in the relative calm of the early morning sunshine. We decided to head up to Tamborine Mountain, the Hyundai suffering on the very steep incline, but eventually making it up to the top. I told Joanne it would be awesome to ride the mountain bike up that section… there were even a few people trying it, and looking like they were suffering more than just a tad.

In the village we stopped off for some coffee, sitting outside and enjoying the cool springtime sunshine. We went looking for some water but found none, and as we moved on, I saw a road I liked the look of which wound down a little to a natural park where there was a walkway. I asked Joanne if she felt up to it – she did – and so we walked slowly along this loop through the Queensland rainforest, and out to a view of the rather stunning Hinterland. Apparently everything we could see in the valley, everything that was now void of trees, had been forest until the white man came.

We had seen lizards and birds and all kinds of insects on the way down, and we got to a waterfall which – we initially thought – was not really that impressive, until we got a little bit further around the loop when we had a viewing platform, where we could see the waterfall in all its’ splendour. Now that – we both thought – was more like it.

We walked back to the car, and then decided to go and have a look at the cheese factory, but because Joanne was thirsty, we headed first to the local store to get some water, and then back to the cheesery where I enjoyed and bought a couple of slabs. By early afternoon we were heading back to the hotel, where I called the local dive shop to find out what they could offer. I was hoping to get in a day of diving, but the shop owners told me the current from all the rain made visibility very poor but I should call back Wednesday. We had dinner in Surfers – a nice Thai meal – before driving down the coast, looking for an ice cream shop. We didn’t find one, so instead we headed in to a gas station and got one from the freezer.

Tuesday saw us head back up the same road as the previous day, though this time instead of going to Tamborine Mountain we headed a little further to Binnaburra which is up in the mountains, surrounded by forest. The drive was as spectacular as the previous day, and took us through some rolling countryside that reminded me of Dorset in England. Even the weather – cool, overcast – reminded me of the country of my birth. As we approached the area we had come to see, Joanne spotted a Koala in a tree just off the road. The brakes would have screeched had I been going fast enough, but the Hyundai can’t go that fast anyway. We reversed up and saw our first koala in the wild. Indeed, our first koala ever (unless I saw them as a child in a zoo visit). This was without doubt the highlight of the day.

We got to the lodge in Binnaburra and had a nice lunch there, watching the array of birds in the forest. After lunch we headed upstairs to a balcony where there was a crow-esque bird watching, happy to be close to us, not feeling threatened in any way. We just relaxed and watched from the balcony for a half hour or so, before making our way back to the car for the drive home. We could not spot where the koala was on the way back, but stopped regularly to take photos and just take a rest.

As we got back close to the coast we headed to Robina shopping mall for a little shopping but the place was closing within a half hour. In Queensland, the shopping experience is slightly different to that in Taiwan, where you can shop until 10PM, giving you plenty of time to max the credit card.

The next day I called up the diving shop – the guys telling me the water is “green as mate”, which deciphers in to bugger all visibility, so we headed back to the Robina shopping mall and went to the food court for lunch before doing some shopping, also stopping off for a nice coffee in the café overlooking the manmade lake.

We were looking for clothes – especially jeans – for me as well as some baby things (with the condition of NOT made in China), and ended up getting some seriously nice Italian shoes and a pair of Levis. I was surprised and happy to see I still fitted in to a 36” waistline. We found some gorgeous little outfits for the new addition to the Fowler family, Lyndon, when he arrives in February next year. I was also after a toasted sandwich maker but did not see one I liked.

We were also looking for some business shirts for me, but also on the condition that they were not made in China. This was Mission: Impossible. Every single store we went in to – the affordable shirts were made in China, the nice ones that were made everywhere else in the world twice to three times the price.

We decided though to go to the shopping mall we had been to on our first day on Gold Coast, and ended up not finding anything there either, so we headed in to the Coles supermarket for some veggie stuff. I bought Tim Tams, beans, cheese – all the things I miss from the homeland. As the place was closing by now (time seemed to go by so quickly), we headed back to the hotel for dinner.

The next day we drove down to Byron Bay, stopping off for coffee and breakfast, which we had missed in the hotel. The place we stopped at had just stopped serving brekkie, and we did not really feel in the mood for lunch, at least not their lunch, so we carried on driving, stopping for a short while at a tiny lighthouse nestled in woodland and with a view of a long, beautiful beach with stunning golden sand.

After this break it was non-stop to Byron Bay, where we were hungry, but still headed up to the lighthouse first. This used to be the whaling station, back in the day, and thankfully they stopped the whaling when they had reduced the population to around 200 whales (from several thousand at their peak). Good that Australia has banned all commercial whaling in its territorial waters – because we got to see a couple of humpback whales breaching, which was an absolutely amazing sight.

We then went looking for some lunch in the town, but most of the place was closing, so we ended up going to a pie shop which filled us up nicely for the moment, and then we trekked back up, taking the adventurous route trying to gauge the way back without the map. Actually I wanted to see kookaburra, which we did see, but the road taken was getting windy and hilly, and very narrow. When it turned in to a dirt track I was slightly concerned, but not too worried, and as we hit a junction I checked the map, saw something I liked, and turned right. Awesome.

We got back to the hotel, got changed in to the new clothes we had bought the previous day, and had dinner in a nice Indian restaurant close to the hotel. We then took a walk around the lake, looking at the prices for property in the town, thinking it was expensive but not really so expensive compared with our apartment.

The next day we had to drive to Brisbane to meet up with Fiona who had got our wedding certificate ready, and then we went to the Taiwan office to get it notarized in order to have our marriage legal inside Taiwan. We had a quick look at the Story Bridge, close to where we had eaten our wedding dinner, and then drove back to Gold Coast.

We headed back to the shopping mall we liked before in Robina – also looking for some chocolates for the wedding party back in Taiwan. We found one place with chocolate hearts, so we bought 300, and also some Turkish Delight for my mucker Et, as well as some other chocolates for friends and family. We dumped these in the car and got some other shopping done, and looked for some more shirts, but again the Made in China rule applied, and we got nowhere. With it being our final day in Gold Coast, we decided to head back to the first shopping mall, where we found exactly what we were looking for – some Van Heusen shirts made in Indonesia at a most aggressive price. Perfect. Money spent – and I also bought another pair of Levis, whilst I was there. You’re probably thinking Joanne has not bought anything so far, but given the fact that she was the one who wanted all the chocolate hearts, she bought those.

Once we had dumped all the stuff in the hotel, we went out for pizza – deciding to take it back to the hotel. The pizza place we chose this time was close to a bar, and right next to a gas station. After we had picked up the pizza, we headed back, through the gas station, where PC Plod stopped me for a random breath test.

As he asked me if I had been drinking, I got all tongue-tied, and the guy probably thought he was on a winner! Alas for him, it was a mere slip of the tongue, and I passed the test with ease. We had a good laugh about it, he sent me on my way, and my first ever breathaliser was done. Good pizza too!

The final morning of our trip arrived and we were already packed, so we checked out of the hotel, and drove up to the airport, filled the Hyundai with gas, and dropped it off. After check in we had some time to kill, so Joanne decided to buy some more chocolate – Aussie chocolate macadamia! Nom nom. She could not make a decision though as to which ones she wanted, and she finally made a decision as the PA announced our flight was boarding.

We watched the last 10 minutes of the movie that cut off on the out-bound flight, and got to Taipei where I could not find the car (it does of course help if you look on the correct floor). Joanne, sensing my frustration, went to look for it, found it within a couple of minutes, and we were on the way to Taipei, not home. We had plans for dinner – my good friend from Miami was visiting and was not able to get there for the wedding party, but wanted to meet up with us. We had a great Thai meal near the 101 before heading home (with one of the 2 cats – Ginge!).

Honeymoon was over – now came the joys of day to day married life!

We were lucky to take the day off even though we had an evening flight - there were tons of things to do, including Red Lions stuff and taking the kittens to their temporary abodes. But it was not all stress, and we packed everything for the long trip to Brisbane, looking forward to the next 10 days where our lives would truly change, yet not change. If you follow.

We got to the airport on time, but too late to get decent seats, so we got aisle seats which pissed me off only a little (after all, it was an overnight job) and set off through security and immigration, on to the plane, and off in to the night. Out with the Elmore Leonard book whilst Joanne tried to sleep. She couldn't, nor could I, so we ended up talking, watching some crap on the EVA "entertainment" package, trying to sleep, and drinking lots of water. Dinner was nothing special, but since when did you get gourmet meals in cattle class on any airline?

Finally we both started watching the same movie on the screen a couple of hours before we landed - my darling is a foreigner - some Japanese movie about a girl who has a relationship with an American, and the family lack of acceptance (essentially by her father) and so on and so forth. We did not get to see the end of the movie as they switched off the entertainment 10 minutes from the end. It was cheesy, as movies go, and you knew the end would be a happy one, but it was still aggrieving to not get to see the inevitable conclusion.

Through customs at Brisbane, through immigration - and off we went to look for the car we had booked. But on the way I spot the Vodafone store, so we get a 3G USB module for a mere $50 Aussie, which would hopefully provide both internet connection AND the skype connection so the olds could watch the wedding via webcam from afar. That, at least, was the plan.

Joanne then spotted the car rental place, and off we headed to find out Hyundai Getz. Hmm... not huge, but who cares? At the price we were paying, we had no reason at all to complain! The drive in to the City was easy, and we passed the rotunda in Newstead Park where, a mere 30 hours later, we would be getting married. I was excited. Joanne was so excited she slept through it.

Not having a reliable navigator, I went past the turning for the hotel but was not worried - I knew there would be another way there, which I found after driving past a Tibetan restaurant that looked perfect for lunch. We got to the hotel, and saw that parking was $32 per day. Damn. In to check in, and they immediately asked if we had a car, to which we said yes, and the cost was now "only" $20 per day. Much more acceptable.

The only rooms ready for early check in were on 4th floor, so we said "yes please" and were given the key, so off we went for a quick hour of shut eye before meeting up with our wonderful celebrant, Fiona.

Fiona greeted us, and we decided to go out for lunch, ending up at the Tibetan place which - like the rest of Tibet - was closed. Plan B - Indian at a place Fiona knew, but still needed a GPS for. Cool... the food was ok, but we were not there for the food - w were there to talk about the ceremony and everything for the following day.

I told her it was going to be the smallest ceremony ever, with 2 friends coming in from Sydney, and my olds on Skype, assuming it worked. She did not seem to mind - it may well have been a small event, but to every married couple, it is a big thing, and she worked wonders to make sure that there was no stress felt by either of us.

She dropped us off at the Queen Street shopping mall after lunch, and Joanne and I looked around but were really too tired to actually do any shopping. I will have to remember that next time Joanne wants to go and buy stuff - get her tired first so she does not spend any money! Class. We ended up drinking a coffee in a food court before heading back to the hotel.

Dinner that evening was in the hotel restaurant - a very nice meal it must be said. We had a little wine to toast our last night together as a single couple.

The next morning we woke up too late for breakfast, despite it being included in the package. We had to go out to a place close by for a surprise I had in store, having ordered a pavlova with fresh fruit and cream on it. The service at the store was awesome, and the pavlova was ready when we arrived. An older couple of ladies looked at the cake and said how beautiful it looked, and how they had not had one for ages, and was it for a special occasion.

"We're getting married today," I beamed. Joanne would normally tell me to be humble, but she was not going to do that today.

After we had some lunch and a coffee at the cafe next door and headed back to the hotel. Dean - my Aussie best man - had arrived in Brisbane and we decided we would meet at Newstead Park later on, as his partner was not yet in the city, taking a later flight. No problem. At the hotel, we handed over the pavlova and asked the reception to store it in their fridge, which they had already agreed to, because your humble chronicler had arranged it weeks in advance.

Upstairs to the room, where we got showered, I shaved, and we got dressed up to look wonderful (Joanne) and decent (me). Actually I thought I looked pretty dapper in my freshly pressed Boss suit and new tie. Joanne had a yellow dress and looked absolutely stunning.

When we were ready we drove back to the Park and found the rotunda was reserved for us, and a message was outside saying reserved for the wedding of yours truly and the lovely Joanne. We were - of course - the first to arrive, then Dean and Donna arrived, and finally Fiona, carrying her table and all the stuff she needed. We set up, got the laptop running, Skype on, greeted the olds who had spruced themselves up for the occasion, despite it being the crack of sparrow fart in the UK.

Joanne was cold, so she put on her sweater but did not want my jacket, even though I was happy to give it to her. The ceremony was - no disrespect to Fiona - something I remember nothing of. All we were doing was looking in to each others eyes and smiling, the reality of it sinking in - I was about to marry the woman I love more than life itself.

Suddenly we were at the part where I got to say my vows, and they were quick. I really did not need to say much as Joanne knows already. Then it was her turn, and her vows were in Chinese, which got translated to me later on. I won't repeat them - they were for me anyway!

Then the rings, and I got to repeat what Fiona said about taking Joanne to be my lawful wedded wife, or whatever it was I said, and I slipped the ring on her finger, and then Joanne had to also repeat Fiona's words, but she said "slowly please" as she was so nervous! Then the ring was on my finger, and we were pronounced husband and wife. And I kissed my wife for the first time. And it was good.

After the signing of a million documents, we said goodbye to the olds, took a group photo and then headed back to our hotel where we had champagne and pavlova. Nom nom. We agreed to meet at Alchemy restaurant (http://www.alchemyrestaurant.com.au/) around 7:30 in Eagle Street, where we had an amazing dinner, wine, cocktails. Wow... it was truly superb. Having said that, the dessert was only "good" - which disappointed in a way, until I realised that it only went to show how spectacular the rest of the dinner had been. I can't remember what I ate - most of the day is a hazy memory, like a dream shrouded in fog.

The restaurant has a great view of the Story bridge and the river, and even a little rain could not dampen our spirits. Everything was wonderful. We got back to the hotel after saying good night to Dean and Donna, and there was another bottle of complimentary champers and a box of chocolates. Well... again this was no surprise to me as i had arranged it weeks previously, but another small touch to make Joanne's day that much more special.

We were married. I celebrated by eating a little more of the pavlova, before my wife started nagging me for the first time (no doubt a sign of the future years) not to eat too much of it.

The day ended wonderfully - we were in Brisbane, married, and everything had gone perfectly. There are not many days in your life where you would not change a thing, but this was one of them. 2 bands of gold, one on each of our fingers, and happiness in the heart that nothing could dampen.

And a week of honeymoon in Queensland's Gold Coast to look forward to!

After many months of threatening to finally make it to Saffron, Joanne calls me up yesterday and says she wants to go out for dinner, and then take a look at Wendels for wedding cookies. No chance of making it to see the German baker, as I didn't have his contact details on me, so we decided to meet at Yuanshan MRT and drive over to this Indian restaurant that many people are raving about.

Having a couple of projects on deadline though, I left the office a little later than planned, catching up some time and arriving just as Joanne got off the train. She hopped in the Nissan and we drove to get some gas where they were also doing a special promotion on windscreen wipers. Awesome as the ones I had were doing a quarter-assed job at best. With a full tank and a windscreen I could actually see through, we headed up to Tienmu, and found a parking space in the most perfect spot. We had to walk around the corner because despite saying it is on Tienmu East Road, it actually isn't. Find number 38, walk around to the back entrance, so to speak, and there it is. Right next to that crappy, service-free Spice Shop which will never be the beneficiary of my custom.

The door was opened by Jinny. First impression - NICE DECOR! It looks nice, very comfortable, not too bright, not too dark, good tables (perhaps a little too close together), but yes... I like.

"How many people? Only 2?"

Oh, I'm sorry Jinny - aren't we enough for you? You want me to head out and bring in 200 of my closest muckers? Be serious - greet your guests in a more friendly way than that, no matter how many people are there. Ok, a negative point already.

The manager (I assume) of the day, who was dressed in blue, was there too, and she was most friendly, helping us with the choices, making suggestions, but it was Jinny's bad attitude (she was also grumpy - don't take it out on me!) that I was not happy with. Forget that for the moment, let's get to the menu and food.

Blue manager brought us a papadom, well maybe 2/3 of a papadom, as a welcome, which was freshly toasted and crisp. Being hungry, I munch straight in to it.

Joanne, sitting opposite me, was not too hungry, and initially said I should order, and she will eat some of whatever I decide. Then she sees shrimp, and that's what she wants. No worries. Now I am in the mood to try things I can't find in Cafe India, so I go for some Patties (can't remember what they are called) and an Onion Bhaji, and then place the order for 2 main courses. But which ones should I have? There are 5 that I like the look of, whittle them down to 3, and then I am stalled...

The Khumb Masala sounds nice - I have not had a good mushroom curry for a long time... perhaps this is the one. But in the end I finally make my decision - Methi Palak, spinach with Fenugreek, and a Paneer dish, which is stuffed with mint sauce. To go with our meal we order a garlic naan, onion kulcha and a romaali rothi.

The patties arrive first - coming with a nice tamarind sauce. They needed it - because the tamarind sauce was the only thing giving them flavour. Joanne's shrimp arrive - covered and deep fried in a pakora chick pea batter. They are "just ok". Then the onion bhaji arrives - a little greasy, and perhaps cut too thinly, but not the worst onion bhaji in the world. Tasted very good with the mint sauce which is nicely set in the middle of the table - Rob of course spills a load all over the place, and laughs it off.

Having wolfed down the starters, Rob is ready for the main course. The paneer comes, with a nice fat wedge of lemon which I squeeze the juice out of, all over the cheese. It's not that fresh... but not too bad, and nestled on a crisp salad base. Nice flavours BUT way too dry. The breads are nowhere to be seen, and the Methi Palak comes several minutes later, by which time the paneer is cold. Joanne does not like, but I do - apart from the fact that it needs moisture or sauce.

The Methi Palak arrives, and this is the highlight of the meal. Stunning flavours, truly memorable dish. Ok, now I like. But still no breads. Come on guys - is it that difficult? Apparently it is. They bring the rothi, and that goes well with the Methi, not so much with the paneer, and then finally they bring the onion kulcha. Again, a little greasy, but plenty of onion on it, and a good flavour and texture.

But where the hell is the garlic naan? That's gone AWOL... the only thing Joanne ordered for main course, and they don't bring it. Hmmm...

So we're not the most impressed clientele Saffron will ever have. After we finish the meal, we get the bill and ask the guys to Da Bao - we're taking the leftovers home. Still no sign of that garlic naan, but it was also not on the bill, so they completely forgot (ignored) it when we ordered.

Pricey. I get the feeling that it is a good 15 to 20% more expensive than our friends at Cafe India. And apart from the non-English, non-Chinese speaking guy that Vinnie has recently employed to look after the flagship restaurant, I get good friendly service AND a chef who will make things for me that I ask for, whether or not they are on the menu, and if I have a complaint, Vinnie looks after it.

The level of service, the fact that Saffron forgot the garlic naan, the fact that the food really was not that good (except the Methi Palak which was exceptional) means that the first round of this epic fight goes to Cafe India.

But perhaps we should go back and give them a second chance to get things right. I want - after all - to try that Mushroom Masala!

So now you're wondering what the fook does Kirk Douglas have to do with a post about Indian Restaurants. Well, as Saffron and Cafe India were essentially competing against each other, they are Indian Fighters. The Indian Fighter was the name of a 1956 movie starring... yes... now you got it!

Having entered the final two weeks of single life, the preparations of a new way of living have taken unprecedented steps. The wedding – see posts passim – is all sorted out, and all the remains is to head Down Under to get that ceremony out of the way. In all emotions and thoughts, Joanne and I are already married anyway.

But I have to look my best for the ceremony – having possibly found a way to get the wedding in Brisbane sorted on a webcam, my suit needs to be cleaned and pressed, and I keep forgetting to go to the dry cleaner. The amount of days I have left to remember to do this are running out, so I know I had better get on with it ASAP. And I will. Kind of.

I have sorted out a few additional surprises for my wife to be – after all, I can’t have her thinking she has married a man who is totally predictable. All of these surprises will be made publicly known once the honeymoon is over, and we’re back in Taiwan.

Married life holds no fear for me – to commit to a woman that you love is no big deal. To commit your whole future, your whole life to that one woman who makes you happier than you have ever been, that is what it is all about. I was always told I was a die-hard romantic, a man with no grasp of reality, but in the end, I am marrying that woman. Romantic? Yes, but also realistic. You don’t have to choose between romance and reality.

Joanne has already chosen and bought the dress she will wear for the ceremony in Brisbane – we’re planning to have the ceremony broadcast live via Skype to the olds who will get up at around 4 in the morning UK time to watch, dressed in their finest linen and raising a glass to our health as they get to watch their son and heir to the family overdraft finally tie the knot. I bet they’re wondering if there will be some last minute surprises.

Last week, when we were out and about at the clinic, we (I) spotted a nice tie. Anyone who has seen me more than a couple of times in a suit will tell you I have very little in the way of ties. The last time I bought one was almost 3 years ago, just as I was leaving Slovenia for the last time, thinking those American Airlines idiots who lost my luggage would actually pay for it. But that’s a different story.

Despite liking the aforementioned tie, I did not purchase it. Not sure why really. At the weekend we went shopping at Carrefour, looking to buy things other than what we ended up with, but before buying things, we were hungry. Joanne was in the mood for some chicken, I was in the mood for a Sundae. Burger King provided.

Once satisfied, we headed up towards Carrefour but first Rob spotted some ties, so I had a look. Rummaging through perhaps 100 to 150 ties, there was not one that I liked, and I thought once more about the one we had seen the previous week.

Last night, after dinner at KGB’s, we were walking past the same store, so I decided to buy it. We walked in to the store, the sales assistant coming up to us and before she could say anything, I pointed to the tie, made sure she understood it was the tie I was interested in, and not the suit and shirt that it was being displayed with, and told her to wrap it up.

She then said something to me in Chinese which I got Joanne to translate – do I want the tie ironed? Ah – it was a tad wrinkly, not unlike its new owner, so I said why not, and we waited until the iron was warm enough and she had zapped it. In to the box, and the deal was done. I even paid for it.

So now I too am ready for the wedding. Except for getting the suit dry-cleaned. And a new white shirt. And perhaps the shining of the shoes. Ok, I have STARTED getting ready for the wedding, and damn I will look totally dapper!

It's getting late, the night before dragon boat festival, and I'm pulling an all-nighter. No, Joanne was not with me, and no I was not playing the field. Football Manager was on the computer, I had 2 bottles of Volvic, tons of snacks, chocolate, cookies, crisps, the works. With Joanne planning to spend the free day with her family, I was ready to get Exeter in to the top half of the premier league in the first season having been promoted from the Championship.

The opening game against Spurs was going well, taking the lead on 18 minutes, when the phone rings.

"Baby, what are you doing?"

"Not much - playing football manager."

"My dad invited you along tomorrow - you want to come?"

Hmmm.... there goes the plan to play FM until the sun rises.

"Sure," I enthused. After all, getting to know the future outlaws is pretty important, especially if i can't really communicate with them so well. "What time are we meeting?"

"Can you be here at 7.30?"

"Are you having a laugh?"

"Ok, 8."

"Are you having a laugh?"

Apparently she was not. Ok... what shall I wear?

"Smart casual. No shorts." Given that it was going to be a hot one the day after, I was not looking forward to that!

It was half time in the FM game, and City was hanging on to that one-goal margin, the pressure of the opening day home fixture obviously getting to my players. I gave my half time talk, chilling them out, reminding them the pressure was on Spurs, and got the 2nd half underway. The talk worked a treat as Spurs were clearly out of ideas in the second half, and 1-0 the final score, a great result for the Grecians. HAHAHAHA SPURS!

So I saved the game, brushed the teeth, and headed to bed for a few hours. Then realised that I should perhaps set my alarm, and did so. The kittens did not understand this one - first they thought I was going to be up all night, then all of a sudden, I am in bed. Grace jumped on the bed and snuggled in next to me. Ginge jumped on Grace, and the respite was over.

I was woken up way too early, not by the kittens, but by the alarm that I set, so I got up, dreary eyed, went to the espresso machine, made my latte, checked the mails, showered, and got dressed, the effects of the caffeine now starting to kick in. Bus to the MRT, MRT to Qi Zhiang, bus out to Joanne's place, Rob arriving just as Joanne's old man did with his car. Timing was perfect.

The first plan for the day was to head over to the hospice, where Joanne's grandfather was, to say hello to this frail man hanging on to life. I am glad I met him, but sad that it was in such a location. A man who had such a healthy appetite for life reduced to spending his final days in a bed. Joanne told him we were getting married, provoking no reaction whatsoever. After the short visit, we were going to head out to Pinglin, but we were hungry, so I suggested going to Shenkung to see Mr Chen. Joanne's mother had never been to this town, despite it being only 5km from where she lives. Immediately she blamed Joanne's father for not taking her.

After yet another awesome lunch, we piled in to the Explorer and drove the few km to Pinglin via the windy mountain roads. It was hot and humid, and the plan was to go for a hike along the river, which sounded good to me. Except I was not wearing shorts, and I was sweating inside my trousers. Not so pleasant. The path along the river was narrow but not too steep, so the walk was excellent. We saw loads of fish in the crystal clear water, all profiting from the NO FISHING signs posted all over the place, and bugs and butterflies, fungi, flowers, spiders. Awesome. Then we come around a corner and Rob spies a stick insect. Class! Never seen one of those before, well not in the wild anyway, and so I was happy to watch. Joanne's father though is not happy to watch, and picks it up... just leave the damn thing in peace! Jizzus...

We had a good hour of walking up, and then got to the tarmac road that would lead us back to the car, and so we started to head back. After a few minutes a bus came along, so Joanne, and her old girl got in, whilst Rob decided to continue walking, spotting something in the cliff as he said bye bye! A huge snail. Sweet.

Having taken a photo, I continued walking, and one minute later there was Joanne with her parents, the bus needing to go around a corner only before dropping them off.

We decided then to go to another place, so I said on the way can we stop off to buy me some shorts? We headed in to the town, I found a pair that fit and looked relatively decent, and so changed out of my long pants. That's better! We were looking for a coffee shop that her old man knew, but when we found it, it was closed, so we went somewhere else, out close to Rueifang, stopping on the way to take a photo of Taiwan's national bird (which I always thought was the Yuhina) - the Blue Magpie.

With an excellent view of the Taipei 101 AND the ocean around Keelung AND Jiofen, the 2nd destination was simply stunning. We parked the car and walked up to the top of the hill, where we were treated to the clear air of the day, relatively speaking of course, and took photos. Joanne's parents had spotted some flowers on the way up and wanted to take photos on the way down, both of them getting out of the car to take close ups, whilst Joanne and I stayed inside the nice air-conditioned motor.

Now it was getting time for some dinner so we went to one of her old man's favourite places, heading back down the mountain towards Shenkung once more. There was a garden with a pond, and the sound of frogs, so of course I had to go look. Despite being eaten alive by mosquitoes I enjoyed it, mainly because I found one frog/toad in a pot, croaking away (until I saw him) so I got a good snap of him, and went inside to eat. The food was not too bad, but by now Joanne was getting tired, as was I, so we were quite happy when we all headed back to the car and I got dropped off at the MRT station as we all said our goodbyes.

I got home, resumed the FM and lost away to Newcastle.

With the job offer coming in for a position down the coast, close to the airport, there was a new direction to be taken in terms of the transportation requirements, especially with Joanne not liking scooters/motorcycles so much. So we decided to go and have a look for a car down Cheng De Road, where there are used car lots after used car lots. Essentially a 3km strip of road with a ton of car dealers, all vying for your business. Or not, as the case may be.

We took the MRT to Shipai, had some Thai food and then walked down to take a look. We had done some research, and there was a website I had spent the previous days at Instek looking at, SUM, which apparently had a good reputation. Nice one - and wouldn't you know it? At least 4 of them along this stretch of road. Cool.

So the first place we go to, we take a look at a Toyota Altis, not bad looking, decent quality, but the price is a tad high. Not over the top, but still. Then Rob notices a dirty Nissan Sentra on the lot.

"Oh yes - we just got that in last week," the guy explains. He's friendly enough, talks through all the cars, what they have, what they do. The Nissan interests me - it has less than 60000 km, despite being 10 years old. What's the price, I ask. He tells me. Hmmm.... not TOO bad.

Ok, we decide to go and look elsewhere, get a comparison, and walk towards downtown, where there are some dealers with some decent cars - we're looking for something in the Altis/Sentra range of cars, ideally a VW Golf, but we know these have a high resale value. A couple of places, we just get ignored, obviously they don't need the sale. And you know me - if I am not getting the service, then I don't want to do business with you. So we keep walking, find a place that has a VW Polo. Yes, that looks good. I sit inside, it's a little small, but ok. Then I ask the price - ok, you're kidding me mucker. For a car that old?

We cross over the road and walk back the way we came. More Nissan, more Toyota, another place where they don't even want to talk with us - even though the boss is inside his cabin, eating away at his bin lang.

There was no decision going to be made that day - we were just looking, but in the same way as we were also not going to make a decision about the wedding photos, and ended up placing the order with them on the spot, we decided to go take one more look at that Nissan from the first place.

I take a look at the engine, and get the guy to turn it on. Sounds decent enough, the engine purring. But what you would expect for a 60000km car. The back seat needs a little rework - it is a bit scraggy, but otherwise I like. I want a test drive.

The guy though is reluctant. In Taiwan they don't like you driving the car unless you're going to buy it. Joanne and I talk - we can probably work something out and put it on hock for a year. That could work. So we tell the guy, if it is fine then we will negotiate on price and if we come to an agreement then we will do the deal that day. These are words a salesman likes to hear, so the bonnet went down, and off we sped, along Cheng De Road before chucking a u-ey and heading back. It felt ok - sounded ok. Yea - it does what it should do.

We get back and head in to the cabin for the negotiation. This is Joanne's area of expertise. I tell him what I want done to it - he says he will repair the GPS for free (yay - although I am a walking GPS, even in Taiwan!), and I am satisfied. Joanne does a Kevin Spacey, and everyone agrees. 1 year warranty - excellent. Smiles all round.

The bank confirms the credit, and we're set. Car can be picked up in a few days. Nice one.

Rob has a final meeting on the Friday with the new employer, so we pick up the car the day before. We have to pay extra for the GPS after all, apparently half the costs because the guy messed up. As the GPS is an old one, with a very old map, it is not really the best deal we could have hoped for, but not the end of the world, despite the fact that the guy has now lost my trust because he has gone back on his word.

It's a pip of a drive - with 12 CD's so I have a ton of Pink Floyd to listen to before I get bored (Joanne is bored after one song, but the driver gets to choose the entertainment, and I have hidden Joanne's key!).

I have my meeting and accidentally leave the lights on. When I come down, a mere half hour later, the car won't start. I walk down the road and ask a guy to come give me a jump start, and he brings his jump leads and gets the Nissan started again.

"Keep it running a half hour at least" he said. No problem with that - I live 45 minutes away!

So I get home, and park the car, the plan being to meet Joanne and head out for the afternoon to sort out some wedding stuff. I get upstairs and change, back down and start the car. Well, I TRY to start the car. I know what this means - alternator is bust. I call Joanne and she calls the car dealer.

"Oh no - that's not covered on the warranty" he informs her. What is? Just the engine. All other stuff... no. "But bring the car in and we will see what we can do."

So that is what we do - I get the car jump started once more, finding a very nice guy who brings his fork-life truck over to help me start up the Nissan, and off I drive, picking up Joanne from the MRT station first.

When we get to the dealer he tells us he can't do anything, but amazingly enough, his friend can and wouldn't you know it? There he was, so he took the Nissan to his workshop and told us to go back within an hour and a half, the afternoon now mostly shot, and said it would cost us about 4000 TWD more. Not terrible, but again, not something I was expecting to pay for less than 24 hours after picking the car up.

We head out looking for a coffee shop, end up in the McDonalds with an orange juice and a chocolate sundae. The call comes in - the car is ready. Cool...

A few weeks later, we are coming out of a parking lot - the exhaust drops. Driving along, a nasty scraping noise on the tarmac, everyone looking at us as we drive, we're heading to one place and one place only - the mechanic. It's late on a Friday night, but Joanne spots one guy still open, so we head in and he says oh yes - you need a new one. Can he repair it temporarily? Yes, no worries, he says. I bet that was also known about, alongside the alternator, but as this too was not too expensive, we're not overly concerned. Always one of the risks of buying a second hand car is that there are things going wrong on it, but having bought a Sentra, which is common as muck, it is cheap to repair, and with the engine now approaching 70000 km, hopefully now all it needs is a good oil change and service.

It certainly gets me to the office every day in a much better state than the Suzuki would have!